Wednesday 28 May 2008

Pictures

My brother and I have been taking some pictures. Here is a sample. Can you spot Hammy Bear?

Here he is.


And again. Because he is cute. And worth it.


This is simply cool. Grass turns to buildings in one easy reflection.

Awesomest picture ever.

Tiny blue flowers.

A poignant question, asked in a not very helpful way which demonstrates that the subjects mentioned were not doing their job.

Tuesday 27 May 2008

Clowning about with Animals

I have not posted for the past few days and I am annoyed because so much that is interesting has happened. On Sunday I went with my brother and sister-in-law, niece and younger sister to our local county show. It was mildly interesting until we met the clown on stilts. Then it became quite interesting. We had a chat and he asked us what car we had (my sister-in-law's Dad and Sister were there too, we were by their car at the time) and so after he had guessed 'Ford Focus' and 'Skoda' and the like he was told it was a Mercedes.

"I didn't realise I was talking to posh people," he said.

We laughed, and decided that he is single (like me, so I shouldn't really scoff).

The day became more than interesting - intriguing and exciting - when we watched the jousting. That was impressive, and those horses magnificent. It was also quite comical.

Also on Sunday my eldest brother returned home from Uni and it was good to see him again.

Sunday duly finished, and, as is its wont, Monday came next. This was a complex day that will take some explaining. Let me begin by telling you that two hamsters were the outcome of the day; one for my sister and one now mine.

The day began with my sister (the one desperate for a pet) running into my room screaming "Inigo, Dad says I can get a hamster!" (I had been told this the night before and so did the necessary feigning surprise before saying that this news was brilliant. It was soon after this that my eldest brother and I went to help our other brother sort out his house. Upon our return we were told that a free hamster and cage had been found on Freecycle (an internet trading thing) but that the person had not got back to Mum. So the pet shop was considered, and it was closing at one (Bank Holiday) so we headed there. It was there that my sister fell in love with a cream hamster with a white band across its back. It was also there that the person who was giving a hamster and cage away phoned Mum. We left embarrassed and my sister slightly disappointed.

We went straight to where the free hamster was, and we accpeted it gladly. When we got home my sister decided she didn't like it, and cried. I said I'd have it (being an animal lover). Dad said this was OK and said that she could get one later. The large supermarket pet shop was still open. We went. We saw. We bought a hamster. It looked the same as the first one my sister saw, only it was female.

The dogs had not yet been walked, so we had taken them to the superpetshop so that Mum and I could walk with them back again. It was pouring with rain.

We headed across the road, and across one field where we came across another road. It was a large one. We crossed halfway unscathed. We waited. We waited. We crossed the second half unscathed. It was then that the excitement really began. We walked to the gate of the next field, which has a large mound across it. We went to the far side of the mound to come face to face with a cow. Cows and dogs don't like each other. We turned and walked swiftly to the other end of the mound. We climbed over and a little further down the path was another cow. We waited again. And still waited.

Eventually it moved off and we walked on only to see another cow. The difference being this one was staring at us intently, its gaze not faltering and its head looking very threatening despite a lack of horns. We were quite scared. We hopped over the fence to the pavement with one of the dogs. The other dog was too large and wet to lift over. This was a problem. Solved by the other dogs lightness. We tied the two leads together.

A brilliant idea, until the dog dragged my Mum so she slammed into the fence. Not so good. We waited for the dreaded cow to move, and while we watched the reason for its gaze emerged. A calf, clearly very young stood by her and together they moved off. We sighed in a rather relieved way and climbed back into the field where we managed to get home without further disruption.

I hope to post a picture of Hammy Bear (as my Hamster is called) on this very blog sometime soon.

Saturday 24 May 2008

A Risky Sale to Freedom

A car boot sale was visited today. By many people, including myself. My two sisters came too with my Gran and Dad. We saw my brother, sister-in-law and niece there.

I bought three books, totalling 90p. Dad bought some plumbing thing for £2. My eldest younger sister bought two books, totalling 50p. My youngest sister bought 11 china dolls for £1.50 and Gran bought her a doll's highchair for £10! And Gran bought my brother a Scalextric set for £25.

I felt a little left out, although there was nothing there I was that desperate for.

Tonight I am going to play Risk ("the high risk strategy game" (the makers of the game don't know the meaning of the word 'risk' if they think a board game is high risk, they should go find a very thin rope to do a bungee jump with so they can call their game "Safe as houses")). I have won for the past two times, third time unlucky most likely.

Erm...

I think I shall write here one of my previously unpublicised poems:

Freedom

Freedom,
That ever elusive thing.
Some believe they have it,
Others realise they don’t.

Freedom,
Seeked but never found.
A concept,
Glanced at, not stared.

Freedom,
Offered to others,
Who already have it,
An opinion,
Impossible fact.

I did write some more on this poem, but that is saved on my other computer.

Friday 23 May 2008

A Better Day

I have had a much better day today, though it didn't feel like it would be at the start. In July I am going to South Africa so I needed to have injections. Some friends of the family have been previously and Mum told me this morning that they suggested I have the rabies jab.

Now, even the possibility of rabies is petrifying, but then being told you have to pay over £100 for the privilege of living a bit longer after the bite is just not fair.

I went to the clinic where I waited for a considerable time at the reception whilst the lady there fiddled with the new system of confirming bookings. She took ages. And ages. And ages.

Then she decided to revert to the old method, which was much quicker and I was glad that I at last would be dealt with. I was promptly told I was at the wrong reception and that I should go to the one in the other room. I turned and was relieved at the distinct lack of queue, though mildly annoyed at the length of time I had had to wait to find that there was no queue.

I booked in and waited for the nurse. She soon came to find me, and as with most nurses she was very kind and chatty. Unlike with most nurses this wasn't a simple attempt to get you to think there is no needle about to enter your arm, wiggle around a bit and then exit making you feel slightly woozy with a sore arm for the rest of the day. This nurse was genuinely kind.

But I cannot have sex or help bleeding people there, because as well as not having the rabies jab (I mustn't stroke any mammals (suchas lions or elephants or hippos or other such creatures that roam Africa) to avoid the risk) I didn't have the Hepatitis B jab. I can cope with the first, but the second could be more tricky.

After visiting the lovely nurse I walked the dogs and spent part of the morning with my Grandparents. Then I decided which fish I wanted to buy.

Then I lazed a bit. Then I went and bought some new fish (after I had given my lovely swings away, in place of which the summer house now stands)! 15 in total, which equates to 18 in my tank (none died this week). I am very happy today as a result. My sister has named two of them Sooty and Sweep. And worse, now she is desperate for a pet of her own.

This hasn't been a particularly funny or endearing story, but it is one which has made me happy, and helped me to understand that when you're as depressed as I was yesterday it is worth continuing. Perhaps there is some truth in there.

Thursday 22 May 2008

A Depressing Day

There is a child in my school who thinks that 'ridiculous' is a rude word. Well, I have had that kind of day.

In fairness, it only deteriorated after work. At work it was a pretty good day, and I enjoyed nearly all of it. Then I heard the bad news.

My work can only afford to pay me for two days a week from here on in, hence a poor person just dived into the rather hard concrete known as poverty. At least, it feels like it.

What makes it worse is that I phoned up Student Loans Company Limited about repaying my loan.

(I quit Uni after one term, partly because I'm rubbish, and partly because I felt the course was. All in all, not a good combination.)

On my loan statement I have interest added to my already extortionate fee for one term. But I earn less than 15k a year (especially now) so I have not begun repayments. I phoned to enquire about this. It is the correct policy.

I think that charging a poor person interest on a loan from the Government at 4.8% is actually unethical, and I am very annoyed.


I have had one piece of good news today. I have been invited for an interview to work at a school starting in September. Maybe I'll just be poor in the meantime.

Lastly, there was no post yesterday because I had a busy day after work, and then had to watch football, the result of which I was, shall we say, ecstatic about.

I feel like writing another of my poems on here:

Why?

I asked myself "Why?" the other day,
few answers came,
I wonder why?
perhaps there are none,
perhaps only few,
but "Why?" I still ask myself,
that's what I do.

Tuesday 20 May 2008

Cars

Here is something that happened to me in February:

Last week I decided that the car I had was not the one I wished to keep. So I looked on the Auto trader website to find one I did want. A Suzuki Vitara. There were a number of great ones on there and I persuaded Dad to make some phone calls. Each and every one that was at all decent was sold. How utterly irritating. My parents being older and as a result probably wiser than me told me to simply wait and look each day after work. This was sound advice and sure enough another arrived. This time I persuaded Dad to come with me to see it.

There are some rules to think about when buying a car:

It should not be raining.
It should be daylight.
You should buy it from the person's personal property.

So we went in the dark.
To the guy's supposed place of work.
But it was not raining.
33% isn't too bad a mark.

The car looked shiny. And it was a good colour.

Otherwise it was about as helpful and worthwhile as sandpaper round a toilet roll.

This was because Dad thought the Head Gasket was going, it had clearly done well over the claimed 25,000 miles, and the guy had fiddled round with numberplates. Furthermore, he had disabled the immobiliser and said that the glass in the "door pockets" (as I have fondly named them) was due to someone throwing a stone through the now repaired window.

We didn't accuse him of stealing it there and then, we waited until we were safely out of ear and gunshot.

Upon reflection the glass in the door pockets is the strongest evidence that he didn't steal it because any criminal worth their freedom would hoover it out, unless of course he realised we would realise this.

Anyway, as is clear from this small tale we didn't purchase the car. We, instead, continued to look and decided to phone about one we had seen previously but hadn't liked the colour of. It hadn't sold and we went to look at it the next day in the daylight, when it was dry, outside the man's house. And there was no glass in the door pockets.

We did some hard negotiating and got a car with an unattached CD player. This was instead of coming away with it with no CD player at all, I might add. It was also a different colour to that in the picture.

It has driven beautifully and reminds me of my first car in that the number of noises it comes out with could only be copied by a strangulated mule who has eaten only baked beans for the past three days. It also often feels as if it might just fall apart. It's brilliant.

Anyway, my love for my car was so large that I took it to visit my dear married brother on Saturday. He coveted my oxen and should be ashamed of himself. But I'll let him off because he gave me jam sandwiches. And let me play with my niece's toys. With her.

And I distinctly remembered on Sunday morning that I had certainly not brought any of those toys home, or anything remotely stripy. Hence my confusion when peering out of my window having just awoken to see something colourful and stripy in my passenger seat. I thought hard about what it was I could forget so easily, as the realisation dawned that this was nothing I had brought home, but it was in fact a man. A man, head bent invisibly towards the handbrake and sleeping soundly. Whilst I watched, astonished, he stirred and I thought it was the silhouette of my neighbour. Whilst he stirred, still apparently asleep I phoned my parents who were having one of their "Let's leave Inigo alone because he smells" trips on holiday. They were as astonished as I, and whilst I was phoning them the man left the car and headed away from the house from which I believed he should be heading. Later on I saw him in the front garden of that same house, contriving a way to enter. I made no comment, despite not having been arrested.

Monday 19 May 2008

An average day, a better poem (I hope)

This morning I felt tired and mildly depressed. I think I enjoyed my weekend too much, and going back to work is irritating.

The day wasn't too bad though. I'm a teaching assistant and the class had a test to do in a rather boring morning. This afternoon was more relaxed though.


Then I went out to see some people. It was quite interesting really.

I also read up a bit about fish today (see yesterday's post) so I'm hoping that not so many die.

I haven't really said much, so I shall present a poem to you:

The Worm

A worm crawled along the ground,
to human ears it made no sound,
but eagle eyes saw it there,
and now the ground, it is bare.

by Inigo Montoya (me)

Sunday 18 May 2008

A Fishy Tail

Before Christmas my sister was desperate for a fish tank.

"Pleeeeeaase can I get fish? Pleeeeeaase."

Hence her sheer delight when she opened her largest gift and it was a fish tank. We waited a while before we got fish, because you have to do that to get the water just right. Then we went out and bought five fish. Within two weeks one was dead. Then she got five small ones. Another week and another was dead. Then another. So she set her heart on Neon Tetras (the shiny ones) and purchased ten. Death decided to visit often, and now there are three fish left, and the tank is mine because my sister couldn't cope with so many dead fish. Of the three that are left two are Neon Tetras and the other is another small kind, with a kinked tail. Today we went to the shop where we got them to test that the water is OK and to ask for advice.

I ended up spending £22.64 on the fish. And apparently the water is OK.

The fish tank does now look much healthier, and something else cool happened today.

We put up our summer house. This is so ridiculously cool. It means that I can put a desk, an old chair and an old typewriter in there and be like Terry Pratchett or Roald Dahl, completely ignoring the typewriter and trying to get my writing as illegible as possible. It should be fun.

Saturday 17 May 2008

Questions

I am a person who asks many questions, generally about God or physics and occasionally both. This has led me on a very long quest which appears never ending. Today was part of the journey.

Someone has lent me a book called My Questions, God's Questions and in it there are 61 questions that were asked of a Christian monk. Today I read only a few questions, but it was fascinating.

The first question in the book asks whether Christianity is the only way. Surprisingly the monk says this:

"Christianity is not the only way, but Christ is!"

He then goes on to explain saying that Christ is also the Logos referred to in John 1 as the Word. It is through this Logos that people may come to the Father, through creation or redemption. Quite a brilliant idea, and one of which I had not thought.

Something else struck me as brilliant from this book, and entirely relevant to the introduction to this blog:

"Christ likes us to prefer truth to him because, before being Christ, he is truth. If one turns aside from him to go towards the truth, one will not go far before falling into his arms." - Simone Weil

Let us see if my search takes me to the arms of Christ.

Friday 16 May 2008

A Falling Front Door

It was an interesting weekend last weekend for a number of reasons, a few of which I'll share with you. The rest I have forgotten.

On Saturday it was Mum's birthday. She was 21 again. She always seems to be 21. It has had me perplexed since I was small.

Anyway, despite it being her 21st birthday she had to go on a course for her work so she left us in the capable hands of Dad and, later, Gran too.

The day began by me getting up and giving Mum a lovely present. Soon after she had opened many presents and left us. So Dad started to be as annoying as he could. This, on the whole, is exceptionally annoying and he seemed to think it would help persuade me to go swimming with him and my sisters later. His thinking was wrong. I soon got fed up and told him so.

After breakfast I decided that walking the dogs would be a good idea. No one wanted to come with me so I stepped out the front door alone (apart from the dogs, but here I am speaking of human company) and, I suppose, slammed it. It was not a slam of disgust but a slam of necessity as our door is very difficult to shut. Only I didn't hear the crash of the slam. So I turned to see the reason. The reason was immediately clear, though only half concluded. The front door was falling irretrievably toward the car (parked on the drive). There was a grind as the door hit the car and a crunchy thud (our drive is gravel) as it continued the fall to the ground. At this point I called Dad.

"Dad! Dad! Dad, the front door has fallen off!"

I think he was quite surprised to hear such words and even more surprised when he found them to be true. Anyway, I laughed a bit because it was a laugh or cry moment, and, admittedly, partly because he had been quite annoying. I left him to get the tools out and walked the dogs. When I returned the door was still on the ground but Dad had readied most of the door for rehanging. It was at this point that Gran arrived.

"Gran, the front door has fallen off," I said as she walked along the path. She looked at where the door should be, at where it was and burst out laughing. Then we told her that the car was scratched.

"Oh, well that's not so funny then," said Gran.
Dad has a bad arm so I helped him to sort the rest of the door and to hang it.

It closes much easier now, so whoever the carpenter was who hung (I believe that word is now correct English, but please feel free to complain if you know better) it previously needs a new vocation.

After the door was up and closing well we sat down for lunch. So the battery in the charger decided to explode. (At this point I should explain to younger readers that "explode" does not necessarily mean balls of fire and loud bangs, I'm pretty sure it basically means things coming apart, usually fairly suddenly. In this case it was just a hole forming in the battery and battery acid shooting halfway across the kitchen.) I was quite sensible and turned the power off immediately.

It was not, so far, a good day.

In the evening we went out for a meal. That was lovely, bar the discovery that my mother is almost completely bonkers. She had spent her course hugging trees and making a giant mallet, which she thought appropriate to bring into the restaurant and show us all. Her mallet is basically a log, half of which has been filed (well, axed) down to make a handle. To Mum it is a triumph in carpentry, to a caveman it is something a three year old should be ashamed of. Isn't it amazing what civilisation does to the mind?

Stuck on the Loo


Let us begin with a small occurrence in my life earlier today. It is a typical happening in my rather trivial life ('typical' does not imply daily, it merely suggests that it is the kind of event that is frequent in my life). I decided, quite sensibly, that I needed the toilet. This is, of course, a natural happening, and I headed for the loo. Once there I discovered a distinct shortage of toilet roll. This is one of the most irritating things that can happen to you, second only to pianos falling from the sky as in TV adverts. The shortage caused an in mind debate as to whether or not to attend the toilet, or to hold and wait.

I was desperate. I went. I, as expected, ran out of toilet roll, so I called to my dear younger sister to fetch me some kitchen roll. Initially she ignored me. So I called her selfish (this always provokes a response in people who are vain in character) and she immediately asked why, her tone expressing her outrage at such a suggestion. I explained to her my delicate and needy situation. She informed me that it was disgusting, and headed downstairs to get kitchen roll. At least, that's what I thought. I waited. I waited some more. And a little more. I then grew impatient (one of the few things that can grow all the quicker without food and water). I called quietly. I did not want to disturb my Grandma who was babysitting, and whom I would be embarrassed to tell of my predicament. No reply. I waited.

It was like making camp in the bathroom. I always planned to do that when I was young. I thought, "When I get in a bad mood I AM going to live in the bathroom for a few days, and creep downstairs at night for food." Needless to say it never happened. It looked like my plan of long ago was going to be resurrected, just without the glory Jesus did it with. And much less dignity.

Then I had an idea. That proverbial light bulb had had its dusty switch flicked. I bent to my pocket desperately hoping to find my phone there. Oh, the sigh of relief. I phoned my Dad who was out for dinner along the road. He laughed at me, but returned home and solved my rather brown problem. Indirectly, I might add.