Oh dear

No one took part in my competition so I am deeply hurt and offended.

Obviously I need to buck my ideas up and make my blog much better.

I'll try.

A Small Competition

Knowledge is power. With great power comes great responsibility.

How much do you know?

I find myself not knowing very much when I ask myself this question. Some people who know me might claim that I know a lot of random rubbish, and therefore know a lot. This is untrue. You see, I only appear to know it because conversation reminds me of hearing it or reading it or watching it.

So, when I examine how much I know I find it amounts to very little. What makes it worse is that today I realised I have forgotten almost every Physics equation I learnt for my A-levels, so now I know even less!

To be honest, I don't really have a point today. I'm just wondering whether you're the kind of person who knows stuff and could recite it unprompted, or whether you're like me and need a cue ('tis called cue-dependent learning, I know that) before you spout off.

So, in our comments page we are going to have a competition for the most interesting thing you know. I hope to get more than two entries. The winner gets a mention in my blog and if I can work out how to do it a link down the side. But, there are rules! You are not allowed to research it, you have to know it already! (Not that I can check, but it is a test of your integrity and may you feel guilty if you don't comply.)

A Lament

This post is going to be a ramble. Probably a boring one, so I recommend that you stop reading now. You could read or re-read the first post instead if you fancy a laugh because I actually have no idea what I'm going to say.

Let me tell you first that I am listening to the Manchester United vs. Portsmouth match on Radio Five Live. I am a Manchester United fan and they are currently winning so I am happy.

However, earlier on today I wasn't happy. You see, I think a lot. And I thought about this terrible world, and how much worse I manage to make it despite trying hard to do the opposite. And I saw the river flowing in front of me and despaired at futility and depression. I wonder why this world is so poor. I wonder why we seem to make it so utterly dreadful and I wonder whether my belief in God is valid. I think about these things and I find no answers, or indeed even responses.

Earlier I was thinking about my old philosophy lessons and how I used not to argue back because often I couldn't think of an argument back. Our teacher used to say, "Would God have given us sexual urges if he didn't want us to use them?" in regards to promiscuity. And I used to think he had a point.

He doesn't. That is a bigger load of rubbish than a claim to be able to swim to the moon. You see, I realised that people have urges to murder and some people have the urge to do terrible things I don't even want to type but because we have the urge it doesn't make it right.

Not that I am utterly condemning all those who are promiscuous because that is not my place, I am only suggesting that to suggest God giving us the urge for it being right is baloney.

Then we come to the argument, "But God didn't give me the urge to murder."

Yes, good point. I hope that is the case. But did God give you the urge to risk catching and spreading STDs? Or did God give you the urge for a satisfying and juicy relationship with just one lucky person?

I don't know. Maybe God didn't give us any urges because of freewill. Maybe he did because of biology.

I only know is that if God is there I wish I could know. But I can't and I feel sad as a result. Especially since this 18 month old has been accidentally shot with an air gun.

Oh this world is a horrible place.

How can Heaven be forever?

I find the notion of being in Heaven forever almost as scary as an eternal oblivion.

Won't I get bored? Do I have to worship the whole time? Will I get to lie in? Will I get to play games? Will I be able to talk to God or will he be a dictator?

Will God want me there? I mean really? What if I'm wrong and Islam is correct and I was born in the wrong country? Why is Jesus so utterly incredible? Why did he get angry once because of sellers yet we knock down Churches and use them for bring and buys the whole time?

Can my "non-believing" (I despise that terminology and labelling) Gran go to Heaven? Why not? I love her so much. I want her to be there if I am to spend forever there.

Does God mind me listening to football? Does he want me to go help the poor? Probably. I'm not good enough.


Now, if you read all that and begin to feel my simple, despairing reality then you begin to know me.

But usually I am happier because I ignore these questions and I think, "Jesus loves me. He'll sort it out." Maybe I'm right to think that, but what if I'm wrong?

I think this ramble has been too long and I hope it has made you think. I also hope that it has not made you sad.

I did tell you not to read it.

Can you do?

"Them as can do, has to do for them as can't. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices."

If you would care to read that again to make sure you got it all I'd be much obliged:

"Them as can do, has to do for them as can't. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices."

So says Granny Aching in Terry Pratchett's The Wee Free Men. These two sentences seem to sum up how the world should be. You see, I can do some things, for example I can teach a child to add whereas some people cannot stand any children but theirs (in some cases). So I do the teaching for those that can't. It is probably those very same people who can't stand children that are able to make computers work. I can't do that. This blogging is the limit of my skills and once people start talking of gigabytes and hertz I struggle even to get the gist. So these people do computers for those (me) who can't. And so the world continues. It is when we get an imbalance that conflict begins.

An imbalance in gratefulness, an imbalance in wealth and an imbalance in power.

I am so pleased that the cleaners clean the street just as I am so pleased that the builders build houses. Likewise I am pleased that Gordon Brown, apparent buffoon that he is, is not a dictator and is not inherently evil (congratulations to those who noticed the use of the word 'inherently', I despise the idea of ID cards).

I am not so pleased that the cleaners who clean the street often live in shoddy housing, whereas the builders live in slightly better accommodation and the Prime Minister is allocated several mansions.

I am not so pleased that in South Africa people live in shedly squalor and sleep under polythene sheets.

But what do they do for us? What do they do for us?

Not a lot. Not very much at all. But that is because we have not yet spoken out for "them as has no voices" and we have not yet done for those that can't. It is when we begin to do this that we shall see what they can do for us. I would like to see, the question is, would you?

A Long Summer

Well, it has been a long summer through which I have endured and learnt much.

It began with my trip to South Africa, which you already know something about. Upon my return I had my photos developed in an hour and early the next morning I set off for Scotland to attend my brother's wedding. There I was best man and gave a small speech which made a few people cry. I didn't think it was that bad.

Then I came back home for a few days before I set off for Soul Survivor which is a Christian festival.

(Just to clarify, in this blog I have set out to discover truth, but some may condemn me for not already claiming I have found it since I am a Christian.)

At Soul Survivor it was my job to ensure a swift and calm response to any emegencies at night. Hence I stayed up every night. It was shattering. Still, I suppose I learnt patience and perseverance and how to use a radio.

Straight from Soul Survivor I got a lift to Wales to spend some time with some people. It was great and I discovered that I can talk to people without them always hating me. Obviously, sometimes people still find it best to despise my boldish and tangential statements, but some find it helpful, though no one seems to find it endearing.

Now I am back at home feeling like I will be a complete failure at work because I have done too much in the summer and have forgotten how to do my job.

But my travels have probably not yet finished as my family remain on holiday down South and I may yet go and visit. I wonder what I shall learn there.

I have not written any poems recently. I do apologise if you like them and will set about doing so soon.

A People who love, fear and starve

I am returned from South Africa alive and well. My time there was enjoyable, and I shall tell the stories through several posts.

Let me first tell you an overall account of the affect my trip had on me.

When I decided to go to South Africa it was with a joyful heart. The Church I attend has done some mission work out there and I was interested to see what has been achieved and to meet people.

Whilst I was there I began to understand the needs of the people there and I started to realise the reality of injustice and inequality. But I also found the people to be compelling. Compelling because of their attitude, compelling because of their smiles, compelling because of how they live. People there say "Hello!" because you're there. They do not complain and they show respect.

This whole experience has helped me learn to slow down, to take time to talk, to take time to walk and to take time to tell. To tell of the plight of millions of people, to tell of the power of AIDs and ways in which it can begin to be contained and prevented.

I now have a passion not spurred by a "Better than you" attitude, or even an "I'll help the poor because I feel sorry for them" attitude. I now have a passion for serving spurred by an "I'll help the poor because they're people" attitude. I wish to help them because they showed me who they are, and that they know what it is to love and to fear and to starve. And I only know what it is to love and to fear, not to starve, and loving and fearing is quite enough for me.