Insane Messenger

3WW Where to now?

2012-01-06T14:37:00.000-08:00

Where does your naughty tactic get you? To the zenith of life or the pit of despair?

(3WW in a tweet. Follow @insanemessenger

Choices

2012-01-03T09:26:00.000-08:00

A new year is upon us all. Approximately 2012 years since the birth of Jesus Christ.

2012 years of war, famine, injustice, persecution and abuse caused by the Church.

Yet we are still left with choices. Where do we invest our money? Who do we spend time with? What do I give my life to?

Choices make a person. When we make the right choice in small things often we make the right choice in big things. (That wisdom is 2000 years old.)

I have been at my parents house for Christmas with my two younger sisters who attend secondary school. My littlest sister refused to go to school today. She feared the teachers.

Aside: What kind of school is it that thinks learning happens best through fear? How does that motivate a child to continue learning at home?

So petrified was she that she had stomach cramps in the night, that her normally bright and joyful nature turned to anger and frustration.

She had refused to go to school by the time I got up.

I thought it would be an idea to give her a choice.

'You can go to school for last period if you want. I'll go with you.'

Rather than pressure, rather than autocratic orders with promises of punishment if obedience was not immediate I provided choice.

After some deliberation and tears my sister decided to go to school. I went with her to sign her in.

She has made the right choice, and hopefully will be able to face school tomorrow. As we step into the new year ahead choices will befall us. Our decisions will decide our future; as individuals, families, communities and as a Church. Let's try to make the right ones.

3WW Resolutions

2011-12-29T14:54:00.000-08:00

A new year's resolution; demolition of the old me so that I may transform into the new and true me.

Praise God! My own Psalmist Praise

2011-12-21T17:04:00.000-08:00

Praise God! Exalt him to the ends of the earth,

His works are never ending,

his wonders never cease,

his works displayed for all to see,

the captured are released,

mysteries revealing,

his infinite majesty,

seeking first his kingdom,

bowing at the knee.

Behold the Lamb of God,

born in squalor, born in pain,

living, breathing, dying,

for our greatest gain,

Praise him all you people,

praise him ever more,

look for him each day,

the Temple Curtain tore,

God is ever with us,

disciplined to see,

God is greater than my all,

than both you and me.

Praise God all you people,

praise God ever more.

Praise God! Exalt him to the ends of the earth!

3WW Sentence

2011-12-21T11:55:00.000-08:00

Belief in a festive time of year causes a rumple on the face of the politically correct.

3WW: Impetus of Solace

2011-11-16T15:53:00.000-08:00

Recently, my Dad has been praising the BBC production called The Big Silence. I have not seen it, but my Dad is amazed at the experience silence and solitude can provide. Based on this and my own quiet times I have written a poem about the impetus of solace.

The Impetus of Solace

The impetus of solace,
in a hardened place,

Kneeling alone,
all chances blown,

Begging for mercy,
that you'd find me,

vindicated
abdicated

of all my wrong
the list's so long

So long, old life
to belong, new life

As the impetus of solace
finds me in a place
of renewed grace.

3WW A start again

2011-11-14T17:02:00.000-08:00

Absence for a while,
As I muster the old courage and style,

Wanting to begin to write,
setting out for a tumble dry,

Knocked, tied in a half hitch
Jeered, crying, booed off of the pitch,

Cos I drank and I drank, and I drank some more,
Til I was so dunrk,

I cuold nto ese srithgat,
or slepl, or be on tmie,
or rymhe straight with late,

until I forgot
that I was not
as drunk as I professed,

The problem is,
simply this,
Uni has knocked it from under me,
my roots of writing,
buckled at the knee.

So the rhythm's not perfect,
the rhyming's all out,
but it's a start,
which is what this poem was about.

Lives and Saves

2011-11-14T16:33:00.003-08:00

Love
In
Vibrant
Ecstasy

Sure
Amazing

Neverending
Delight

Saturated
Alive

Verified
Exuberant
Saviour

A man

2011-11-14T16:29:00.001-08:00

I met this guy called Jesus

A man in the real sense

He understood the pain of life

He carried it, bared it, admitted it

He tried to tell his friends of it

They were having none of it

He begged his Father to let him off the hook

Father wanted all of him

So he drank bitter wine

Nailed the problem

There and then

Embraced the pain of life

Weeping for his beloved friend’s death

Having compassion on the foreigner

Welcoming the outcast

Light in the darkness

Angels cry ever softly

2011-11-07T11:27:00.001-08:00

Angels cry ever softly

Hearing footsteps fall

Coming ever nearer

Learner driver stalls

Open out the back

The wheel spins round again

The clock ticks good bye

See her there and then

Rom com on the tele

Reminds me of my fate

Friends fall all around me

Ashes in the grate

Open book words shout

Lost in the fog of doubt

Hope is slipping away

Soon to run out

The stars still shine tomorrow

Today is still the same

If only I were celebrity

But then who’d see the shame?

Out of here, Out of there

Treacle walk on still

Remind me of my strength

Let me have my fill

Walk beside me there

Light the way to here

Hold me to your side

Help me lose my fear

Angels cry ever softly

Hearing footsteps fall

Coming ever nearer

Learner driver stalls

Discarded Fairy Tale

2011-09-27T16:22:00.000-07:00

I have lost lots of things

belief is probably one of them

and that is all I once had

where next?

drained

empty

forgotten

hope seems long gone

shattered with no dreams

love a discarded fairy tale

who knows?

broken

chained

undone

What is Church for?

2011-07-20T16:05:00.000-07:00

What is Church for?

Someone once said.

To teach you to be good!

Someone replied.

Why?

Another voice chipped in.

Cos being good gets you to Heaven.

Disdainfully obvious.

Does it?

Of course.

You fool.

What did you call me?

Nothing. You should know Church is to get people to Heaven.

So I just go to Church and I get to Heaven?

Yes.

So what about grace?

What about it?

Well, isn't that important?

Well yes. Being gracious is part of being good.

The voice of reason states.

So God is gracious just because it's good?

Yes.

What about love?

Part of being good.

What about killing?

Not good.

Really?

No.

So why did God kill his Son in his grace and mercy?

What?

Isn't that what gets us to Heaven?

I'm not sure. Maybe.

Maybe?

Maybe. I don't really know.

So what is Church for?

I don't really know.

Good works in the light of grace and love?

Yes! That's it.

Anything else?

No, don't think so.

I think there might be something else.

What is it though?

Well, what do you think?

In memory of...

2011-07-14T06:55:00.000-07:00

May the memories remain, starkly sweet, of one so loved, so cherished so dear. May we let go to hold on rightly, without bitterness or hopelessness that we may remain in faithfulness.

Wimbledon Likes

2011-06-27T11:46:00.000-07:00

I am enjoying Wimbledon.

I like the determintation, the will to do well, the will to win.

I like the simplicity of one against one, or two against two.

I like the crowds, enchanted by the spectacle.

I like the Weather, able to delay every game, even ones on centre court, if only by forty minutes.

Most of all though, I like these things epitomised. Epitomised in Murray. I hope he wins.

Tweetie Time

2011-06-24T09:06:00.001-07:00

I have a twitter account. Follow mastersbash

Love Wins?

2011-06-15T07:10:00.000-07:00

I discovered this clip on youtube today.

It is an attempt to explain the gospel. It engages, it teaches, it compels. But does it tell the whole story?

Rob Bell suggests otherwise. He hints that the good news is better than that.

So, did Jesus pay a price for us? Do we need to accept him into our lives? Is the good news just for us?

These are the kind of questions Bell deals with in Love Wins. I am not sure I agree with all he implies, but I do think his work is a challenging reminder of God's love for us.

Ethics

2011-06-13T04:07:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been thinking about ethics. I came up with a Personal Ethical Code based on 1 Corinthians 13:

God comes first

Love

Be patient

Be kind

Do not be jealous

Do not be boastful

Do not be proud

Lift others above yourself

Be humble

Stay calm

Forgive others

Do not laugh at others' misfortune

Be honest

Look after others

Trust others

Be hopeful

Persevere

Hold my hand

2011-04-11T14:39:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I took part in a reflection on the cross. Part of the reflection could revolve around Christ in the midst of our suffering. We were in a Church, but the day was beautiful so I took the opportunity to explore. As you walked out the side door of the Church you could see about four rows of twenty or thirty gravestones. Only one, in the furthest corner, was in the shape of a cross. I headed towards it, and as I walked I could see that there were more crosses in the graveyard, but this particular one drew me on.

Still thinking about the suffering of Christ, I read the inscription.

Name
Died 1983
1 hour old

I wept. As I wept I saw a butterfly land gently on the grave; a dog whined. I wrote a poem to try to describe that sacred moment.

Hold my hand

Hold my hand
O precious Christ

The butterfly kisses where the baby lies

Hold my hand
O precious Christ

The dog howls its lonesome cry

Hold my hand
O precious Christ

Ignorant traffic rumbles by

Hold my hand
O precious Christ

This baby died but an hour old

Hold my hand
O precious Christ

Alongside my pain

O precious Christ
Hold my hand.

The Princess and the Gentleman

2011-04-06T10:01:00.000-07:00

'One day a young princess was on a walk. She was walking through a field when she bumped into an old, old gentleman, who had a very kind face. She looked at him and immediately loved him. She would of given her life for him then, if it had been asked of her, but instead he smiled, he spread his arms out wide and he hugged her. He said, "Hello Esther", he knew her name, she didn't have to tell him, he just knew. She felt like she knew him too, she stayed talking with the old man a very long time. He asked her, "Are you sure it is alright for you to stay as I would never wantto get you into trouble?" But she soon replied, "I do not mind", because every time she looked into his eyes she loved him. It was not a love that was forced onto her, but a love that she felt of her own choice, and she felt it strongly. She stayed talking to him, he told her many wise, wise things, things that if you and I were told we would not forget them for the rest of our lives. Soon the sun began to sink into the earth, and the moon shone brightly. Esther began to feel tired and as she sat there listening to the old man's voice she grew more and more sleepy, her head began to drop and in the end she fell asleep in the old man's arms. The old man sat and looked at the beautiful princess for a while. He knew she could not get cold, for he was always warm, as if there were a burning flame inside of him. He sat and he smiled at the little girl, he loved her with a love that could not be broken, the sort of love that a father shows for his children, but even better. Better than what is possible to imagine... When the little girl woke up, she slowly opened her eyes. She saw her bed, her duvet and the picture of her mum on the wall. She began to think, and as she did, she remembered how she had fallen asleep. She remembered the love that she saw in the old man's eyes, and she felt that love again. She longs to see the old man again and as long as she remembers that old gentleman's love for her, and as long as she shares that love with all the people she meets, she WILL meet him again... Ok so perhaps you do not like the story, it is not complicated but should not be taken literally. Perhaps you will not agree but for me this story is a metaphoric image of God and me. It is one of many images I have of him. For me it is also an image of the relationship that God can have with any person. I imagine a little girl because this shows the vulnerability that I have and the vulnerability that we all have. Maybe the little girl, for you, is a little boy but either way God loves me and God loves you, his love is unconditional and nothing can ever break his love for us.' by my sister

A Prayer

2011-02-07T13:53:00.000-08:00

A prayer written because of this story:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-stoke-staffordshire-12383464

God,

hear the despair of these people,
their cries of pain,

notice this injustice, it is not right!

You are God!

No one can change our hearts but you, you alone make us clean.

Heal these wounds, give the child hope,

for hope is in you alone.

Be with them now,

Amen.

A milky way rainbow

2011-01-24T14:26:00.000-08:00

I was feeling a bit low the other day. I had a lot to do in preparation for a deadline, and I ended up not having planned a youth work session half an hour before it was to begin. I spoke to a friend on facebook who suggested icing biscuits as gifts for someone to encourage them.

Great idea!

I needed to get to the shop, buy some biscuits and icing and get back very quickly. So I left, in a rush and still not in the best of moods, but feeling a little hopeful that the session wouldn't go too badly.

Then pathetic fallacy took place; it started to rain. Blue skies turned to grey, and water poured from above to shower the thirsty grass.

And to get me wet and to literally dampen my spirits even more!

I parked my car, walked quickly to the shop, grabbed a basket and whizzed round in a matter of minutes. I wasn't overly rushing, but I was aware of my time limit. Hence I chose my queue carefully. I surveyed the conveyors, eyed up the number of products and plumped on going to the cigarette till.

There I was pleased to wait patiently for the woman being served to discover she could not find her store membership card, I was pleased to wait for the man in front of me as he asked for cigarettes. Then a voice from behind,

"Excuse me," says the woman quietly, "do you mind if I just go in front? I have to pick up my grandson from school." I eye the Milky Way in her hand, unimpressed.

"NO!" I yell, "There are others of us in a hurry to, you know!"

"Thank you," she says, as I realise I actually let her past in a mad moment of remembering I'm a follower of Jesus.

Another, even older woman with a bag on wheels, taps me on the shoulder,

"There are still some kind people left in the world."

I smile guiltily, knowing my initial reaction.

I pay for my goods. I step outside. It is raining even harder.

"Look!" cries a daughter in the car park. I obey with the mother and see a rainbow, curving majestically, owning the sky.

Now I smile knowingly, God is in a rainbow. His promises reside there.

With Feeling

2011-01-13T13:35:00.000-08:00

Hopelessness pervades whenever hope begins to grow,

Doubts swell, rising as a tide, breaking the defences

Friends gone. So it seems. Their distant cries a helpless call,

For what?

Me?

A shell of a man, frozen in this bitter wind, stagnant in these still waters

Life, effervescence, champagne joy

Popped.

Desolately I fall to my knees,
Angrily I cry my tears of despair,
For who is with me now?
If my God is for me?

They stand against me, at all sides
Shoving me back
Into a cocoon

Maybe I'll blossom, flower

Fly away from these binding ropes

Soar once more to those dizzy heights of wondering how I ever learnt to glide
Know myself capable in the maker's hands

Hands that hold the world
Holding me.

Advice

2010-11-15T14:28:00.001-08:00

simply be
love life
take opportunities
explore the world
enjoy the world
discover hope
and joy
and laughter
let your life be an expression of what you hope the world to be like

Found in a ditch

2010-11-04T12:50:00.000-07:00

Grace found me in a ditch, left out to die
Warping myself, hung out to dry
Grace took me and fed me
Grace clothed me and held me

For a broken man was I

All alone, wanting to die
Scarred by life, desperate to cry

Grace found me embroiled in dirt
Grace found me while I still hurt
Grace lifted me and washed me
Grace kissed me and loved me

For a broken man am I

Christ’s alone, trying to bring
A precious life, a grace filled thing.

Calm this Storm

2010-10-26T15:27:00.001-07:00

Love in the darkest of nights
Is the brightest of lights.
As the days go by,
And the pain multiplies

Remember me in your glory
This day in paradise
Light up the way
Calm this storm

Fire up the beacon
The men are coming home
Let the fireworks go,
As our hearts explode

Remember me in your glory
This day in paradise
Light up the way
Calm this storm

The frost devours the flowers
The rain comes in showers
But hope remains ours
Love the greatest of powers

The songs we’ve sung
The deeds we’ve done
The futility of victory
The shame in all we know

Remember me in your glory
This day in paradise
Light up the way
Calm this storm

A mini reflection on the prodigal son

2010-08-16T14:25:00.000-07:00

See Luke 15:11-31.

The prodigal son is a story not only of repentance, but of God's ceaseless love and grace. Notice that the father in the story embraces the son before repentance is declared.

This shows God is committed to us.

Our commitment to God is shown in our day to day living. God's commitment to us is shown in his day to day grace.

This is the gospel. Go share it if you understand it. If not, ask about it.

Laments have a purpose

2010-08-06T06:57:00.001-07:00

God, you have called me, embraced me. And now it seems you have abandoned me. I faithfully call on your name and silence replies. My anguish builds up, my mind tears itself at the desolate state of my heart, the emptiness of the words in your Word. So come and live within me again, come and hold me to you, let me come ashore for a brief time that I may sail all the further for you. Let firm ground be beneath my feet so I can be assured of it in the storms to come. Amen

Soul Survivor

2010-08-05T07:05:00.001-07:00

It wasn't that bad. I do think there is a bit of a power hungry edge to some of the workers/volunteers, but generally God moves there. It was good.

Rambling thoughts on Christian Summer Festivals

2010-07-29T08:43:00.000-07:00

I am going to Soul Survivor tomorrow. I am taking a group of young people who are all immensely looking forward to it. I suspect I will forget things, but I think I'm looking forward to it as well (bar the tiredness and the rain).

However, I can't help feeling Soul Survivor festivals are about a fix, a high on the Spirit of God (not always on his Spirit I suppose) which sometimes changes lives for the better, and is helpful. But what about those who go and find this amazing and wonderful God but who have no one to invest in them back home? No one to challenge them healthily? These are the people we should be reaching. This is the kind of people the Eden Project works with, and is so effective with. Long may it continue.

I also feel that these festivals can be a bit false, people so happy to be in the presence of God, but not telling him how annoyed they are with him for their troubles in the year, because they don't want others to consider them unholy. Why do we feel we cannot moan at him when he does not help us?

Jeremiah gives us some good examples of rants at God, at laments and tears. For as the tears fall noiselessly, the heart despairs and we must ask ourselves, where is God now? If we do not, how can he answer?

Across the Street

2010-07-28T04:27:00.000-07:00

Across the street
Screams are plain
Missiles blast
Infants in pain

The soldiers yell
The people flee
Guns firing
‘Victory!’

Across the street
A lone man shivers
The winter arrives
His body still quivers

The shoppers pass by
Smiles on faces
Eyes not looking
To the poorer places

Across the street
Starvation reigns
Famine cares not
for the lives it stains

Orphans and widows
Left by its grip
Weaker now
To death they slip

Across the street
People flee
Civil wars
Poor refugee

Turned to prostitution
By the ‘great’ and the ‘good’
Ignored in the country
Celebrating Robin Hood

Across the street
We walk on by
Hardly noticing
The poor people die

Across the street
We condemn the men
Who murder others
Yet we’re just like them

Ignoring the pain
Ignoring the cold
Ignoring the hunger
Ignoring the sold

In our own little bubble
In our own little world
We're righteous people
In a darkened world.

A Trembling Soul

2010-05-25T07:13:00.001-07:00

A trembling soul,
Looks up to the stars,
Wishes the heavens
Weren’t so afar,

A washed out wreck,
Surveying the scene,
Seeing the past,
What could have been,

A lone rider,
Running away,
Hurt and bruised,
Afraid to pray,

Hope is adrenalin,
Tricking our mind,
Love a chemical,
Left behind

For romance is dead,
Lights have gone dark,
The stars are weary,
Leaving your heart.

A Parable

2010-05-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

It is time to begin again; with a parable.

There was once a nosey man who lived alone in an enormous castle on the side of a hill. The man took great interest in the view from his towers, for from his towers he could see the village at the bottom of the mountain. He used to sit in his tower rooms for hours at a time, peering through a telescope, recording events and actions in people’s lives. At times the man would chuckle to himself at someone tripping, or become angry at thieves he witnessed stealing from shops in the village. Always, he would write down what he saw in a diary, and his recording was remarkably accurate. For years the man would rise early in the morning, and go straight to the tower to write down what happened during the day. His records lasted for years, and he knew the details of village life. He knew who was having affairs, and who was faithful. In his mind he knew who he would have as his friends and who he would ignore because of their thieving or promiscuity. There was one particular woman who he knew was particularly immoral. He could see her visiting different houses, spending a little time there, and moving along to the next house. The man was sure she was the only prostitute in the village with the courage to work in daylight, and was appalled at her daily antics. The man continued to watch all aspects of life in the village, and for years he did not leave his castle.

Meanwhile, in the village, lived a young woman. She used to visit the families in the village, delivering bread to those in need and flowers to those in grief. Her smile was wide, and her heart warm.

It came about that the man in the castle was summoned to jury duty one summer. He had not visited the village in many years, but jury duty was drawn out of a hat, and he was obliged by law to go. He decided he was pleased with this turn of events; it was an opportunity. The man put on his coat and boots, dusty from years of sitting in one place. He left his castle and walked, determined, towards the village. He wondered what people would say when he carried out his plan.

As the man entered the village square he looked round, approving, his descriptions of the square from his castle were so accurate. Then it happened. His time was now. He saw the woman sneaking out of one of the houses in the corner; he was going to confront her about her immoral actions.

‘Excuse me woman!’ he cried,’ I need you over here.’ The woman wandered over, clearly concerned about such a summons for she walked stooped and slowly, with her head bowed.
‘Yes sir?’ she asked,
‘I need you all to listen! Can I have your attention please!’ the man called out across the square. The people in the square looked up, and gathered around as he signalled for them to do so.
‘I tell you people, this woman is the scourge of this village, she is promiscuous like no one else in the village and she deserves expulsion!’
The people began to look shocked and horrified, the man knew that they had not noticed her immoral ways, so he continued, knowing the good he was doing for the village,
‘I have watched this village for many years from my castle, up there on the hill. I have seen this woman enter many different houses around the town to offer her despicable services!’
The crowd began to boo; they began to shout at the man,
‘What are you saying?!’
‘Do you know who this woman is?’
‘No,’ the man said, ‘but I do know what she has been doing, I have seen her going into many houses around the city, I know she is a terrible woman.’
A man spoke up in the crowd, ‘Yes, but she has been visiting us when we have been sick, or ill. When we have been hungry she has brought us bread, when we have been in grief she has brought us flowers from her garden. Her heart is warm and we are very grateful to her. Please do not offend her so.’

2010-03-22T09:56:00.000-07:00

Something I wrote about the time between becoming a Christian and now.

In that time we have highs and lows,
We wonder what, if anything, goes,

We continue to knock, to seek and to wonder,
Wishing God's voice would sound like thunder,

And always we come back before God,
kneeling before his majesty's throne.

Scared

2010-03-16T11:03:00.000-07:00

After rereading 'Sacred' I thought it's anagram of 'scared' would make an equally good word for the start of the first three verses.

Scared hope,
bound blindly in me,

Scared faith,
insecure and trembling,

Scared love,
hidden within,

Scared joy,
fragile and brittle,

Scared peace,
Surrounded by rage,

Scared future,
impossible to predict.

Fear grips us. Fear binds us. Fear holds us down. Fear suffocates.

In 1 John 4 it says, 'perfect love drives out fear.'

Do you believe this to be the case? If so, are you living it? If not, why not?

Sacred

2010-03-16T10:52:00.000-07:00

Sacred hope,
bound blindly in me,

Sacred faith,
insecure and trembling,

Sacred love,
hidden within,

Sacred Lord,
mysterious warrior,

Sacred God,
untameable creator,

Sacred Christ,
risen redeemer,

Sacred.

Why can't love be easy?

2010-03-15T13:38:00.000-07:00

Why can't love be easy?
Why can't love be free?
Why must it cost your life?
Why must is cause such strife?

Where were you when I called?
Where were you when I cried?
Why did you let me fall?
The heart in me died.

How much more can I give?
How much more can I pour out?
How much longer can I live?
Can I really go without?

Must I stand here all alone?
Must I weep cold tears at night?
Are all my chances really blown?
Is my future dark or bright?

New Title

2010-03-14T10:23:00.000-07:00

I was told my title was not that great, so based on consumer feedback I have changed it. I have named this blog 'Insane Messenger' because I hope I give messages that challenge and inspire, as well as provoke thought and sometimes create a smile.

Expect Nothing Back

2010-03-13T14:53:00.000-08:00

Expect nothing back,
Then your life will be a flowing river,
a bubbling stream of happiness,
Not begrudging,
Not belittling,
Only giving,
Flowing down the mountain of life,
Encompassing more and more as you go,
Allowing others to flow into you when they are able,
But not expecting them too,
Expect nothing back.

A letter to God

2010-03-12T09:30:00.000-08:00

God, I have not spoken to you in a while. I seem to have forgotten your love. I have tried to live for you, without communicating with you. You called me to live this life, but it is hard to do. I know I should take up my cross, but where are the miracles to go with it? Where is your hand in my life? I need to return to you, give my life back to you. Let me return to your arms, and enjoy your embrace once more. Give me back my heart for you, for serving at your will. Give me renewed passion, renewed drive and renewed energy. Let me be yours. Let me be yours. Let me be yours.

Amen

3WW: A life of integrity

2010-03-10T10:27:00.000-08:00

3WW: modify obey veil

I am called to obey,

to take up my cross and follow,

to modify my behaviour,

truly.

I am called to learn,

to take up my calling and go,

to build others up,

truly,

If I simply veil my hidden thoughts,

And have two lives,

How can I follow?

How can I go?

Truly

I must live with integrity,

I must live with real love,

Value all around me,

Bow before the King.

Doubted

2010-03-08T09:13:00.000-08:00

Waves of doubt,
Come crashing down,
On the rock,
Of certainty,
Blemished by fear,
Captured by speculation,

I am not free to choose,
I am bound by mistrust,
I am expected to stand,
But it is not believed.

3 WW Beauty or Objectivity?

2010-03-03T06:22:00.000-08:00

I recently read The Abolition of Man by CS Lewis. In it Lewis supposes that if humanity continues to try to conquer nature, to objectify beauty and to attempt to work out the sacred we will lose, through the process, the essence of our humanity. Lewis bases all of this on the existence of the Tao. The Tao is essentially an absolute moral code which we can choose to live within or to step outside and observe dispassionately. I think he may have a point, and, fortunately, I think we may be returning to an appreciation of things because we cannot understand them, rather than a preference for understanding. For example, I think most adults will look at the stars, or over the plains of a Savannah and permit themselves to stand in wonder rather than to objectively consider the working of photosynthesis, of the ecosystem, or of the exploding gases in the universe. Humanity possesses the ability to amaze itself with wonderful paintings, or exquisite compositions of symphony, or a singing voice more stunning than a lark’s. Yet, Lewis would argue, this state is frail if we decide to lose our sense of the bigger picture, of the sense of something pervading even our biggest achievements that is not there to be understood, but there, instead, to be mysterious and beautiful.

Questions

2010-03-01T08:39:00.000-08:00

Why must we forever be dissatisfied? Why can we not remember that last night we snuggled into a bed in a room with a roof? Why do we complain that our friends are not good enough? Why do we say that our bodies aren't beautiful? Why do we ceaselessly spiral in a world of consumer unhappiness? Why do we go with the flow even when the flow is saturated with uncaring? What happened to us that we do not care for the orphan in Africa? What happened to us that we are unperturbed by war in Afghanistan? Why do we forget them? Why do we remember only the bravery of our soldiers? What about the bravery of theirs? What about their valiance and courage? What about their martyrdom? Is it really martyrdom? Where did those passionate enough to die for mercy go? Did they all die so quickly? Did their deaths not inspire us to sacrifice ourselves to a greater cause? Is there a greater cause? Does it matter if there is a greater cause? Why? Why have I criticised dissatisfaction with the world through dissatisfied questions? Is hypocrisy a way forward?

3 WW

2010-02-26T06:48:00.001-08:00

I wanted to generate a new post, but my ideas were scant and meager. Please don't tease me about it.

Where is Love

2010-02-22T06:03:00.001-08:00

Where is love,
But on a plain,
And in the whims of life,
It seems to flicker out and in,
To take away all strife,

Where is love,
But in the heart,
And in the tears of life,
It seems to ever illusive be,
Yet be forever rife,

Where is love,
But in a birdsong,
And in nature’s joy,
It seems to build and lift on high,
Never to destroy.

3 Word Wednesday: On your knees and pray!

2010-02-19T04:51:00.000-08:00

It will occur,
Upon that day,
That ragged man will say,
‘What is this chaos? What is this dream?
Tidy it away!’

And we will look,
Upon that man,
That ragged glorious day,
‘This chaos is freedom! This dream is hope!
Now on your knees and pray!’

See: http://threewordwednesday.wordpress.com , OK, so I didn't do it on Wednesday but I only discovered it today!

I love God, honest!

2010-02-16T08:15:00.000-08:00

A poem written in response to the problematic phenomenon called 'enthusiastic dualism' by Laurence Singlehurst.

I stand Y-shaped
Before God
In his presence I am free
In his presence I am blameless

I go into the world
I stand alone
I crumble
In the world
I am chained
In the world
I should be blamed

It becomes a cycle
I stand in Church
My eyes closed
My hands high
I go out
I bow
Wretching on the pavement
After a night out.

A cycle.
Worship, sin, worship, sin.

Darkest of Nights

2010-02-15T12:48:00.000-08:00

A little poem.

Someone help me through this darkest of nights,
Someone pull me up from the abyss,

Let me see daylight again,
Let me breathe freely again,

I need reassurance, I need comfort,
Stand by me, hold me up.

Hatred hurts

2010-02-09T06:35:00.000-08:00

Hatred hurts and harms all those
Who cross its path or tread in its wake,
For hatred has power, power to kill
And all else falls, falls to the abyss,
And the whisper of hope is really a hiss,
And the heights of freedom are scales of pain,
For what we see is seen through darkness,
What seems so bright only glows in the dark,
For we have turned from the light,
It shines too bright for us to look upon its glory,
Instead of bowing we have turned away, and walked and walked and walked away,
But if we turn once more,
A speck of light remains, on the horizon, welcoming us,
Bidding us to come, bidding us to fall before it in awe,
And it will light the way should we turn, it will guide our paths if we’re true,
And we will find true hope, and we will scale heights of true freedom,
And we will be made whole when the light shines through us.

Jesus transforms

2010-02-06T14:04:00.000-08:00

I wrote this wondering how many of us allow ourselves to be transformed by the love and power of Jesus, or recognise that we have been. I also wonder whether we realise we are still being transformed, and will continue to be so.

I decided to follow Jesus,
Once upon a time,
I really wanted to do good,
To be the next in line,

I shouted of his love,
declared his name to all,
but this lasted just a while,
I slowly forgot the call,

The love I once knew so true,
seemed to dissipate,
I was desperate and so eager,
but any return seemed too late,

Yet once I used to shout and swear,
I used to drink my fill,
I used to lust at women,
Rack up an enormous bill,

Now I'm calm and kinder,
I live each day for him,
I think that love's still there,
Washing away my sin,

I know I'm still not perfect,
I know I still do wrong,
but I know who I'll turn to,
all this journey long.

Open Hands

2010-02-02T11:37:00.000-08:00

Open hands
Nailed for me
I’m so tight fisted
Want to be free

Chained by love
Held by care
Dismissed by all
I can’t be there

‘Lean on me’
I sing out loud
I want to give
But assailed by cloud

I want my hands
To be open free
But I hold on tight
They cannot see

I remind myself
Of what to do
But my heart wrenches
Known by few

But I will stand
Hard as it is
With hands open wide
No one to dismiss

Nails may be driven
A spear in my side
But one’s there before me
Arms held wide

Busker

2010-01-29T09:42:00.000-08:00

A wise old man
with his guitar
Busking,
Tending a scar

Seeing the pigeons
scanning the floor
stirs memories
millennia old

He eyes the preacher
across the street
and he recalls
the one he greets

Why won't you listen?
Why don't you hear?
I'm calling for you,
I'm calling you near

He sees the people
Avoiding his gaze
Seeing their faces
He remembers again

Before thrones
Speaking God's word
Calling down fire
Making God heard

Faster than chariots
Water wide open
The furnace explosion
The whirlwind to Heaven

Why won't you listen?
Why do you not hear?
I'm calling for you,
I'm calling you near

He's ignored
People pass by
Not seeing him
Not hearing his cry

Why won't you listen?
Why do you not hear?
I'm calling for you,
I'm calling you near

Success

2010-01-26T07:18:00.000-08:00

My success is not measured in how many people love me, but in how much I love God and people.

I don't need to worry how many people attend my wedding or my funeral, but how many weddings and funerals I attend out of love.

I cannot be loved by all, for their hearts are not mine to control, but I can love all, for my heart is my own, to let harden or to pour out. I choose to pour it out. I need to love people as I love myself, and to love God with my all.

A little note

2010-01-22T06:07:00.000-08:00

Of late it has been hard to keep going. It seems there is too much work and too much study and not enough friends and too little hope.

I still worship God though, because I that's all I can do. How many times have I sung that I will praise through hardship? So I try to. The silly thing is it's not really hard. I have food, and a roof and a bed. It's funny how ambiguous a hard life is really. In this post-modern world it's anything I suppose.

I don't have much else to say. I love God still and that is the sum total of my identity at the moment. Perhaps that is all it ever will be.

In the Image of God

2010-01-17T04:45:00.000-08:00

A poem about being made in the image of God:

Looking down upon a still lake,
Someone watches from below,
My reflection, blurred,
And I look to the heavens,
Wondering,
Is this how God sees us?
The essence of how I look reflected in a lake,
The essence of who God is reflected in a person?
Perhaps it is not how we look,
Perhaps it is not how we think,
Perhaps it is not what we do,
Perhaps it is not who we are,
Perhaps it is not found in others,

Perhaps it is found in love.

Over me

2010-01-12T06:06:00.000-08:00

The binding chains are loosed again
Free from my sin, my pain has gone
Released, redeemed, saved, repented
Rocked by your love, I stand in awe

Your love standing over me
Your love watching over me
Your love incredible
Your love, your love

Your love took all my fears
Your love has strengthened my feet
My arms, ready for battle
The blood you gave was not in vain

You’re watching over me x4
Watching over me

Your love, guarding over me
Your love, washing over me,
Your love, unbeatable
Your love, your love

I wrestled with love the other day

2010-01-05T11:49:00.000-08:00

I wrote this poem when my friend suggested that perhaps Jesus does not require our all. Admittedly the end is a bit cheesy, but it gets the point across.

I wrestled with love the other day,
I fought with it, and I pounded it,

I tried to shove it out the door,
Throw it down the street,
I yelled at it to leave,
But it refused to be beat,

I told it it’s unwanted,
I told it to leave my life,
I don’t want it to rule me,
I just want it for my wife,

Why should I feed the hungry?
Why should I give my all?
I am happy where I am,
Not changing anything at all,

I wrestled and I fought,
I shouted out abuse,
It was written on my heart,
It really would not lose,

I wrestled with love the other day,
I fought with it, and I pounded it,
It tore apart my heart,
But it has taken hold of me,
I cannot wait to start,

Show me the poor and broken,
Take me to the lost,
I will give my all,
No matter what the cost,

I will follow Jesus,
Through all the highs and lows,
He asked me to follow,
And in him my love grows.

Christmas Fire

2009-12-14T06:38:00.000-08:00

Christmas is a time of year that holds magic and joy, peace and reconciliation, yet for some it is a time of broken memories and shattered dreams.

Perhaps we should rekindle that hope in those whose flame has been extinguished, perhaps we should show those with shattered dreams that Christmas cheer and that warmth of smile that Christmas gives. Let us help those who have forgotten to remember. Isn't that what Christmas is really about? Hope coming into a hopeless world, a fire being relit for peace and justice, grace and mercy? Let us tell our friends that hope is here and the time has come to strike a match and start a blaze.

Fall Down in Worship

2009-12-10T04:19:00.000-08:00

A song/poem I discovered in the depths of my mind:

When all is dark
And hope seems no more
There’s a song in your heart
A song to restore

A light flickers on
A glimmer of hope
God’s only Son
A beacon of hope

Fall down in worship
Fall down in praise
Bow down before him
The King of All Days

The skies sing his praise
The stars shout his name
We all bow down
Before you Lord

There are some things too precious to lose

2009-11-15T04:31:00.000-08:00

There are some things too precious to lose,
Some things are priceless beyond compare.

Who else can make your heart at peace?
Who else can turn your frown to smile?

There are some things too precious to lose,
Some things are priceless beyond compare.

What else can cause such joy within?
What else can free a broken heart?

There are some things too precious to lose,
Some things are priceless beyond compare.

Where else can you find such wisdom?
Where else can you discover yourself?

There are some things too precious to lose,
So keep them close, hold them dear.

Hide the Poo!

2009-11-02T08:14:00.000-08:00

This is a rather sordid, though very amusing anecdote that actually happened at a University in the UK. The story was told to me by a friend who had another friend involved in the story. However, I shall tell it as if I'm involved for comic effect. If you are squeamish or can't stand stupid and inappropriate games played by students I suggest you find other reading material for the next short while.

You see, at Uni we used to get a little bored, so we played some games. Some of these games you will have heard of; twister for example. Others, we invented. The best of these was, as most university games are, played to most perfection when in a state of drunkenness. It had simple rules, inherent in the name of the game: Hide the Poo. Yes, a simple game involving hiding the most recent poo you have done somewhere around the house. Everyone else has to find it.

Usually this game worked well, with poos being hidden in wardrobes, under beds and, on occassion, in dressing gown pockets.
Of course, sometimes the poos did not get found very quickly, and less often they weren't found until the next day. However, one day, when in a particularly drunk state one of my housemates hid a poo very well. He hid it very well indeed. No matter where we searched it could not be found. We searched in cupboards, by the toilet, under beds, under duvets, on top of dressers, in shoes, underwear drawers and behind the fish tank. It was nowhere to be seen. It was decided to leave it until the following day, by which time the person who had the genius to hide it so well had lost the genius in a kind of forgetful kind of way. He could not remember where he had hidden the poo. Not good.

Time passed. We slowly forgot about the poo over the next few days. We went about our daily lives, getting up, brushing our teeth, buttering our toast, microwaving our dinners, attending lectures but hiding no more poos. It was quite good really.

Then we had a guest to stay. It was a couple of weeks later. He slept soundly, and got up yawning in the morning. Sitting around eating breakfast, we welcomed him to the kitchen. There he put on some toast and chatted about the day ahead. It was when he buttered the toast that his face became slightly perplexed. He looked up at us, questions sweeping across his eyes. At this point he said the never to be forgotten words,

"Why is this butter brown?"

As you may have worked out at this point our drunken friend had taken the poo he was to hide, lifted out the butter, placed the poo below it and replaced the butter. For two weeks we had made sandwiches and toast with poo infested butter! It was, perhaps, a fitting end to the poo game, switching the famous saying round to say "Out one end, and in the other!"

I am sorry to those who are now vomiting.

Pretence?

2009-08-20T15:40:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem."
- Maugham

There is a truth in this statement, because for a long time I have said that if you pretend to be able to do something or to be something you often find yourself able to, or being that.

This situation can of course be both useful and displeasing. If one has a vivid imagination and pretends to murder, one may find dead bodies close at hand one day. However, if one struggles with life, and day to day living, but pretends to be fine, one may find themselves coping admirably and gaining friends to help them out of their pretence and into a real independence.

However, I am also sure there are some deeper issues here, but it is late and I am unable to discover them enough to put them into words.

Your Church Needs You!

2009-08-14T04:17:00.000-07:00

"You can either hold yourself up to the unrealistic standards of others, or ignore them and concentrate on being happy with yourself as you are."
Jeph Jacques

I realised something the other week.

I had been praying for more humility and the next day found myself greatly fed up because I thought myself useless. It is at these times we text our friends. I did this and my friend text back, inevitably, "You are not useless, you are important."

Of course he is right, and I realised this almost immediately. But I also realised that it was true for everybody else as well.

I realised for the first time that I am important. I am part of a whole, of a movement, of a Church that is always aiming for Jesus, but not always setting the crosshairs right. I am part of this so that I can do my bit to point us in the right direction, and no one else will do what God has assigned me to do as well as me.

And I won't do what everyone else does as well as them.

Hence, it is important you realise YOUR CHURCH NEEDS YOU!

Sing your heart out

2009-08-11T11:38:00.000-07:00

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

Consider the song in your heart.

What is your heart yearning for?

Is it singing?

Did it ever know a song?

Could you teach it a song?

Is it a song worth singing?

Do you know anyone with a song worth singing?

I think we all need a song in our hearts, for it is here we find our purpose. We just need the song to be a worthwhile one, one that will make a difference. And make sure you sing it loud enough that your friends will be singing it even if you forget the words.

Do you want it?

2009-08-10T12:33:00.000-07:00

There is a love out there so vibrant, so tangible, so immense.

It is a gut wrenching love, a love to outlove all others. A love of such beauty that Angels fear to tread in its presence.

A love undefinable and undefeatable, a love uncontainable and out of this world.

It is a love that demands, compels, strives, expects, understands, forgives and pours.

It is given freely.

The question is, do you want it?

Passage from the Bible

2009-08-08T07:41:00.000-07:00

5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

English Lit: What is the point?

2009-07-09T10:44:00.000-07:00

"I have suffered a great deal from writers who have quoted this or that sentence of mine either out of its context or in juxtaposition to some incongruous matter which quite distorted my meaning , or destroyed it altogether."

Alfred North Whitehead (1861 - 1947)

This is a summary of why I despise the subject of English Language. Here is a subject in which you read a piece of literature, and often a very fine piece, and you flip it around and shake it about a bit and make it mean a hundred different things. For me, authors usually write so that one can enjoy what they are reading, not take it apart. If authors do want a meaning to come out I think it must usually be only one, not a hundred from various perspectives.

I think that English should consist of two things: Creative writing and reading. And maybe a little time to discuss. This would make it far more interesting.

A Bit of News

2009-06-15T11:53:00.000-07:00

A whole month!

I am very sorry.

I had a weekend away with some young people this past weekend. It was awesome.

I managed to keep the confidence to be myself.

I have a new job starting in September as a Youth Worker!

It's all change for me. Just hope I'll be up to the task.

I'm really quite happy and have very little to say. I feel I have lost my ability to tell a story well, otherwise I'd have a few to tell you, but I seem to not know how to write anymore.

I'll try to relearn some time.

Sorry this is a rubbish post. I just felt I'd let anyone who ever reads this know I'm alive.

A Better Expressed Version of What I Believe

2009-05-15T09:49:00.000-07:00

I believe that Jesus came that everybody may have life in all its glorious fullness. He lived, died and was resurrected for that to be made possible. Jesus was a radical, a Rabbi who accepted those who weren’t good enough and empowered and enlivened them to tell the world that “not good enough” can be flipped on its head through a renewing of the mind and faith as tiny as a mustard seed. Jesus commissioned his followers to tell the world about him and his Father, about his Father’s love for the world and about his unspeakable and eternal glory.

A Small Story

2009-05-15T09:43:00.000-07:00

One of my friends told me this little story from their life the other day:

They were out somewhere and they really needed to go to the toilet, so they went into the nearest one.

They took their time to relieve themselves and were glad to no longer have a bursting bladder, but they were a little perplexed by the sinks, for they could not work out how to turn them on. Fortunately, they soon enough came on and my friend assumed they automatically came on when needed so my friend cleaned their hands.

She was mightily pleased to have had such a successful trip to the loo when she left, and saw the ladies next door.

She had wondered why the sinks seemed a little low.

Stuck (metaphorically speaking, not a humorous anecdote, I'm sorry)

2009-04-27T13:16:00.001-07:00

I'm thinking about what I want to do with my life. Fortunately no six-fingered man killed my Father when I was eleven. Unfortunately that leaves a certain hole in the velocity of my life.

So, I am considering. I thought about doing more writing, but I'm not sure I'm that good at it.

I thought about teaching, but what degree to do?

I thought about being an estate agent, then the credit ate a Crunchie.

I thought about being a banker.

I didn't really.

Honestly, I didn't. It has too much association with greed and self-serving, which is not what being a Christian is about (for me, anyhow; some right wingers might disagree but I think they need to read what Jesus said, though I'm now being a hypocrite since I am typing on a computer I haven't sold. I am rambling. I apologise. Well done if you kept up. Because I'm lost).

So, I have decided to continue as I am for now. Perhaps I will soon have a revelation. Perhaps not.

I am aware this blog wasn't about much in particular, but if you're stuck about what to do, so am I. Just so you know.

The Possibilities are Endless

2009-04-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

I watched a programme about Maths the other week. Maths being the tool of physics, the programme ended up considering the shape of the universe. They seemed to think that, like pacman, if you go out one side you come back in the other. This, they believed, applies to light as well. So they concluded that one of the stars out there might be a younger version of our sun. I went one step further and considered:

What if millions of the stars out there are younger versions of our sun? What if there are really only about fifty stars in the whole universe, and we are just seeing each one hundreds of times over?

That would be pretty cool. Our Universe is awesome. I mean, it takes recycling to a new level.

"Recycle light, the possible star constellations are endless."

A Bit of What I Believe (at this present time, subject to change, terms and conditions apply)

2009-04-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

I was listening to Five Live this morning.

(I feel a small aside is necessary here:

My brother thinks that Radio Four is better than Five Live because it is more intellectual. I think that people who are truly intelligent care about the people, and the people are more interested in Five Live. I also think that people who call themselves intellectual need to consider the word 'humility'. But I am being judgmental and therefore hypocritical, I'm sure. Incidentally, someone told me the other day that anyting completely logical is always contradictory, or collapses in on itself or something. I wonder whether the person who worked that out did so logically.)

They were asking the question,

"What do you believe?"

This made me think, and realise that I have recently come very far in my beliefs and my certainty of them.

For a long time I have believed that Jesus was God's Son, came to earth and was resurrected.

It is the niggly bits in between that have caused me problems.

Now I think that Jesus lived and died not only to forgive sins but for so much more.

Jesus showed us how to be compassionate, how to love, how to protest, how to forgive, how to guide, how to teach, how to give, how to serve, how to think and how to serve.

Jesus showed us how to follow God the way God wants us to follow him.

One of the niggly bits is 'Why does God want us to follow him?' but I think that that is almost irrelevant, because I am awed and stupefied by the fact he wants me to follow him.

Jesus came to begin the salvation of the world, and the rest of wondrous creation that we might live as God first intended.

As you can see I believe Jesus was pretty important. There are a lot of things I don't know, and I wonder at, like God being omnipotent and omniscient and not thinking through the fall. But this is the nature of faith, and I think it is faith that brings about change (even if, unfortunately and too often tragically, not for the better), because faith in ideals and the future and mankind and even selfish faith in ourselves is what has made humans progress (if that is an appropriate word for the ruin we've made this incredible planet) so far. This is why I continue to believe; faith may have been a large part of our downfall, but it is faith that will be the reason for our revival.

My Friend

2009-03-29T12:04:00.000-07:00

My friend doesn't understand the importance of mystery, they joy found in the incomprehensible. He does not look up at the stars and say "Wow!" He does not see a buttercup in a field and begin to skip for joy. He cannot see that forgiveness is liberating. He cannot comprehend that to believe is not to see. He fails to grasp the concept of faith.

My friend worries only about practicalities. He wants proof. He needs something tangible. He looks up at the stars and talks about red shift and blue shift and the Time-Space Continuum. He sees a buttercup in the field and couldn't care less. He does not believe in sin and redemption. He says he needs to see to believe. He says he can do a better job than God.

My friend despises suffering. He wants people to live forever happily. My friend believes in the power of words, but does not see the force of actions. That's why my friend moans a lot and seems to do very little.

My friend is one of the best I have, but I hope that one day soon he sees a buttercup and begins to skip.

A New Dawn

2009-03-25T13:28:00.000-07:00

I can't be bothered with setting days to do stuff. I don't have enough to write about. But I shall try to do two posts a week.

I think this recession is a farce. It is stupid that people of great significance in this world cannot manage to recognise patterns of failure and then not copy them.

In the 1930's the USA and much of the rest of the world experienced a depression. It was, rather idiotically, labelled "The Great Depression", as if it was some kind of wondrous achievement of enormous virtue and happiness. Instead it was actually a time when families struggled to feed their children.

This was brought about because of the excessive lending in the 1920's, when prosperity seemed to flow.

So now, because our economy has again accomplished a terrible collapse because of lending, we are going to borrow our way out of it.

We live in a world who's leaders are wise beyond their years, I am sure of it. Why else would they be so obviously stupid? They clearly have an Ace up their sleeve. I hope.

Questions

2009-03-03T09:31:00.000-08:00

I apologise for my lack of blog posts. I got fed up because only two or three people read them. But I decided I need to do this one.

Two questions have plagued me recently, the first being on that has niggled for a very long time, the second being one I, foolishly, only recently understood the significance of.

1. (It is a little more complex than this, but...) If I'm in Heaven forever, won't I get bored?

2. Why would God, an omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent being, bother to make a people like us, then put them in charge of such an unnecessarily complex planet? Is it not just a little arrogant to assume that this is the case?

I hope these are food for thought. Enjoy your evening.

Anecdote Day

2009-01-21T08:53:00.002-08:00

Some time ago now a young man of about 13 years asked me for a lift home from church. I, wanting to appear a good Christian (as we all do), duly obliged. The same boy made the assumption I'd do the same for him each week. Though this seemed slightly presumptuous I continued my service, secure in the knowledge that I was "holier than them".

You can imagine my surprise when, one morning I stepped out of my door for the drive to work and a smiling 13 year old said, "Are you all right to give me a lift?"

The same presumptions have continued and each day I give him a lift to school (it's not out of my way, and I have learnt to be a bit humbler; you're soon to see why) and he says thank you.

As you may have noticed, the weather recently has been extremely cold. Each morning I often peer out of my window to see an unfriendly and freezing frost gripping the grass and enveloping the cars in my street. This happened one day before setting out for work and I stepped out of my door to see that smiling face. I said good morning out of courtesy, and put my key into the car door. I turned it. At least, I tried to turn it. The lock was frozen. I walked round to the other side of the car and tried that lock. It, too, was as frozen as an ice cube.

What to do?

I do like to think of myself as a successful problem solver and I soon came up with a solution.

The boot!!!!

The boot was open. I opened the door wide and clambered over and between seats. I bent and flexed and squeezed and, eventually, sat.

"Come on," I called over my shoulder to a chuckling and mildly surprised thirteen year old.

My pride slightly hurt, and my already mild resentment of lifts evaporated I now gladly and genuinely wish a good morning to him each day.

Barack Obama: Will he make a difference?

2009-01-20T09:43:00.000-08:00

Today I heard Barack Obama's speech. He appears to be someone who wants to change the lives for those such as this man. I just hope he means it.

Reflections

2009-01-19T10:49:00.000-08:00

Monday is Reflections day.

It seems to me that we need the new American President to do some good.

This is, admittedly, one of the most obvious statements ever; especially so in the light of the last one. Change is what is needed, progress. Uncompromising progress. This may, ironically, involve compromise but we must forever be striving for better lives for people across the world.

Criticism is something which I take on board and accept if it is constructive. Once I was criticised for being too idealistic. I cannot see the logic, especially as it was given by a teacher; someone whose very life should run on idealism. Of course, we need to be realistic but all teachers want to teach the children in their class everything they can, and they want the best for them. I did make the point that the very best teachers have been idealistic. And the best political leaders. And the best religious teachers. If we do not have ideals we lose our sense of purpose. If we lose purpose a loss of hope all too often follows. Hence we need to be idealists and activists and doers to help Mr. Obama change this world. Where do we start? By saying good morning/afternoon to as many people as you can tomorrow.

Quotation Day

2009-01-18T11:36:00.000-08:00

I have decided to set aside certain days for certain types of blogs. Firstly, to force me to update the blog; secondly so you know what to expect. Sunday can be quotation day.

“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.”

- Shakespeare

A song of hope for Gaza

2009-01-17T11:13:00.000-08:00

A song of hope for Gaza:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlfhoU66s4Y

Why the radio can make you cry

2009-01-09T10:10:00.000-08:00

I was deeply saddened when I listened to the news yesterday and discovered that in Gaza four children were found cowering among 12 dead bodies, huddling closest to their dead mother. The place had been attacked four days previously and the children had remained there all that time. They were too weak to stand up. But there's worse. Just 80m away an Israeli base is situated. A place where soldiers knew what had happened and could check the situation but who did nothing!

The question I ask is, what can we do?

What I'm Looking For

2009-01-05T09:25:00.000-08:00

“You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross of my shame
Oh my shame, You know I believe it

But I still haven't found

What I'm looking for”

- Part of “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” by U2

These are some of my favourite lyrics of all time; simply because they express what I believe to be the truth. Some may, however, be perplexed by the last two lines. Let me explain. Jesus was born, lived, died and was resurrected that we may have life in all it’s fullness. I know that I have not attained life in all its fullness and I am pretty certain that most of the world have the same problem. Therefore I haven’t found what I’m looking for, but I maintain the search. I search and question and probe and discover and share and learn that I may one day be completely certain of the hope that is within me and be able to tell the world. I may never be certain, but I will always search.

Something to make a difference

2008-11-22T08:44:00.001-08:00

It's been a while, but over the past couple of days stuff that I should put on here has piled high.

Rambo. The fourth film. How politically vibrant, alive and relevant. It makes a violent and grotesque action film have a purpose. I hadn't seen it until yesterday and it was incredible. It was gruesome and sickening and you wanted to turn away, but it was incredible. The depiction of the horrors of war (genocide really) made you shudder. So realistic were the heads being blown off, the bodies being blown apart that you realised this stuff is happening, for real, across Burma. The systematic yet arbitrary destruction of a people is horrifying and it makes you genuinely want to cry. Forget all that about me being depressed amd down because the world is not a nice place. There is no option to be depressed or down, there are only two options. The first, turn a blind eye. The second, do something about it. My brother came back from Israel and Palestine today. There he saw first hand oppression, segregation and hatred kept secret by the Israeli government. All we hear on the news is that Palestinians have fired rockets into Israeli territory. It does not tell you of the way the the Israelis treat the Palestinians. Disdain would be a mountain above the way the Palestinians are treated now. And for what?

For ages I have banged on about making the world a better place without going into specifics. Now I ask you to go discover for yourselves the atrocities the Israelis and Palestinians inflict upon each other and then to tell people about it that we may begin a revolution of tolerance and, hopefully, peace.

A trip inside my head

2008-11-06T12:45:00.000-08:00

Each day is an opportunity.

At least, I think so.

By the way, this post kind of gives permission to the U2 lyric, "I want a trip inside your head," or something like that. I'm really just going to type some thoughts that have recently occurred to me and those that occur as I type. I doubt it will be a very good piece of writing, but it may be interesting to read.

I read something really cool yesterday. It was in reference to man as a race generally and the world in which we find ourselves,

"Can he hate it enough to change it, and yet love it enough to think it worth changing?"

This is from Orthodoxy by GK Chesterton, who really wrote books as I write posts, too often on any subject he felt appropriate or someone challenged him on.

I think that love and hate could be swapped round and it would still possess some good sense. I mean, the world really is a rubbish place. And I know I seem to incessantly go on about it, and it is all too general and the likes, but I don't think I'm wrong. And I think we should change it and love it, as the love blog states.

I think that Obama will have good intentions but in all likeliness will make no difference. If there is a God out there, it will be in his will anyway, he might not want the world a better place just yet, if at all. And if there is no God then what does it matter? We should kill everyone else in the world and steal their resources (are you sure George Bush believes in God?),

But the world at the same time is a stunningly wonderful place. Today at work a child asked me where rubber comes from. Here's the conversation:

Child: Where does rubber come from?

Me: Where do you think it comes from?

Child (after thoughtful pause): Ducks.

Me: Ducks?

Child: Yes.

Rubber ducks.

Did you know another word for conversation is confabulation?

Not a very helpful fact, admittedly, but one that may some day be worth knowing.

My Uncle says you should always tell people how wonderful they are, because sometimes they never get told. How right he is. I was at a course the other week and the guy leading it said for one of his assignments once he had to observe a child. He deliberately chose quite a quiet child and went to each of her lessons. Not one adult spoke to her for the entire day. Not one! How valued did she feel?

Tomorrow is an opportunity to change the world by making someone feel worthwhile. Why not take it?

I doubt you could care less

2008-10-30T10:31:00.000-07:00

I have realised something over the past few days; no one cares.

At least, it seems very few people do.

I am a person who boycotts Coca-cola and Nestle because of their unethical practice.

I am a person who is opposed to war because it kills people unnecessarily.

I am a person who tells people these things, I tell them how I try to live in a way that promotes lives of liberty across the world. I tell them why I think war is bad and why I think starving babies is not a good marketing strategy.

And do you know something? Not one of the people I've told could care less. Each and every one believes a boycott is useless, that war is a necessity and that I am making no difference and should give up.

I personally do not understand why war is necessary or why multinational companies get away with murder.

I don't think most people do, but then most people don't care.

Love

2008-10-25T07:29:00.000-07:00

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." The Bible

Put your name in the place of love, and see which boxes you tick.

Earlier I was in Tesco and gave the lady in front of me a pound for her shopping as she was just short. She was so grateful, I couldn't get over it.

She said she'd pay me back next time she sees me.

What a wonderful lady.

You see, recently I have been down and out but this lady has replenished my faith. I don't really understand how, but I suppose it is like Albert Einstein said,

"Only a life lived for others is worth living."

There's a whole world out there waiting to be loved, and it'll be worth it.

Jesus is...

2008-10-08T13:34:00.000-07:00

Who is Jesus?

What is Jesus?

Where is Jesus?

How is Jesus?

Why is Jesus?

Jesus is apparently the Messiah.

Jesus is loving.

Jesus is serving.

Jesus is compelling.

Jesus is contentious.

Jesus is mysterious.

Jesus is...?

My thoughts on some words

2008-10-03T09:18:00.000-07:00

There is something beautiful in the words I discovered the other day.

"Theology is the Church on a mission reflecting on its message, its identity, its meaning."

That is to say theology is not the reason the Church does mission work, helping and serving people across the world, but rather mission is the reason people turn to theology; to wonder upon a God of love so powerful and yet so gentle. A God who cannot be understood, but who can be questioned and who sometimes answers.

I hope that is clear.

What do you make of these words?

A Freedom to be Me

2008-09-26T12:41:00.000-07:00

I feel remarkably happy. Sometimes I do, so for once I thought I'd tell you.

I have just been listening to music in my room. And "Jesus Freak" began. If you are a Christian of any repute whatsoever you will know of this as that relatively cheesy dc talk song that is loud.

And it is exactly that. So you people who aren't Christians know now, and any of no repute too.

The reason I tell you this is because I listened to it and it filled me with joy. Joy of the kind that is complete elation and freedom, but not the kind of freedom that allows you to do anything. The kind of freedom that allows you to be the best you can, which is almost the opposite but a thousand times better. Because doing anything could include murder and rape and other nasty things, and other not so nasty things like lying and some even worse things (maybe) like prejudice and oppression (maybe worse because they involve more people).

But being the best you can be allows you to simply be you in your complete fullness.

It's hard to explain. But that is how it made me feel.

And that is how the book Velvet Elvis made me feel. And EVERYBODY should read that book. It is utterly awesome. Whatever anyone else says. It is liberating.

Liberating in the way I just explained.

Oh, most of you are going to think I am spouting rubbish, and I apologise, but may I suggest you try to find this elating freedom? It may be in appreciating the stars, or the trees, or music, or grass or something entirely magnificent, but please try to find it so you can know I don't spout just rubbish.

Those of you who don't think I am, thank you.

Lost

2008-09-24T12:14:00.000-07:00

Today I was sent on a course. You see, as I'm sure you all know, I now work in an EBD school and have a permanent position there. This means they would like me to increase on my complete lack of knowledge by going to places to learn. These places are really one place, which is about forty five minutes away on the motorway.

Not too far really, is it?

"Just up the road" I hear you cry.

Well, I had to complicate matters, beginning with yesterday afternoon.

I left work late because a child's taxi was late picking him up and some stuff had to be sorted. I worked with the child to sort it.

Then I went home, completely forgetting to pick up my parking permit for today from the Head.

I got home having realised my usual and predicted absent mindedness and phoned school. No answer. So I drove back there and retrieved my parking permit and the course information sheet so I had the post code to look up on Google Maps.

Obviously I left it until much later that evening to bother bringing in the sheets from the car and look up directions.

Unsurprisingly the route took me up the motorway as known by your clever little brains.

Me being me and hopeless at driving in places where lane changes are frequent I thought I'd go the back way and clicked and dragged the route accordingly.

All set and perfect, I memorised it as best I could, printed it out with three maps of the difficult bits and set it on the kitchen table ready to take tomorrow.

Since rush hour (or to be PC "busy period") is never a good time to drive Mum and Dad said I should begin what Google called a 54 minute journey at 7.15 to arrive for 9.00. They were sure I'd arrive before and recommended taking a book, which I was glad of because I was (just finished) reading "A Hat Full of Sky" by Terry Pratchett. This early set out time meant getting up at 6.30 which I VERY rarely do. I know loads of people do it all the time, but for me it is irritating.

I managed it though, and set off promptly at 7.10 (five minutes ahead of schedule because I needed to fill up on petrol). The journey was going swimmingly, and I was quite happy when I thought I'd quickly check the map again to make sure I had learnt it correctly. I looked to the passenger seat. It wasn't there. I looked to the back seat (it was more of a glance, I do try hard to be a safe driver and Dad would be most unhappy if I crashed; think of his reputation! (he used to be a driving instructor)), it wasn't there. I thought, "Oh poo, I have left it at home. Oh well, I'm pretty sure I'll remember it and I know which B road I need, I'll be fine." At that point I forgot about the parking permit sitting snugly on the bannister at home.

I continued, pleased with myself at my impressive memory, following the route well, even if I did miss a few signposts and have to turn round.

Then I got to the end of my B road. A T-junction with a small lane opposite! It was not supposed to end here! I was not happy. (Strictly speaking, the B road should have finished there, but there should have been a straight on that was not a dead end.) Generally speaking, not good.

I went straight on anyway, to find a turning point. And went back to where I had come from to see if that was the way. It wasn't. I found a little layby where they charge £50,000 for fly tipping. I thought, "How nice, I can be lost in a clean place!" I didn't really, but I did think it was a hefty amount, which proves they can't be bothered to monitor it so they make the punishment SO severe it isn't even worth leaving a sweet wrapper there.

At this little layby I tried to phone Mum. I was greeted with the welcome news that I have no credit.

Joy.

But I do have some free texts! So I used three to ask both sisters and Mum to phone me, to make sure it got through. In the end Dad phoned me, which I only just realised the beautiful irony of. It was on Mum's phone though. I informed him I was lost. We talked a short time. In the end it turned out after several texts and calls that I tried the straight on, found the signpost there to be more accurate than the screen at home and text Dad from the same place again.

This fiasco becan at ten to eight. At half eight I took a left (right from where I had been, but left from the dead end side) to find a village near the destination. Unsurprisingly this was unsuccessful.

I text again. I received a call and found a lane. I got to the end and text again. Confusion ensued. A flurry of texts and calls and texts and calls ended up with me back at the end of the lane texting and being called. By now Dad had grown impatient with me, and I with him, so Mum took over. Between us I got to the village, then the destination's Dunelm Mill! Then a text and a call. Then I am Oh so close. I can't find it. A text and a call. It is past 9.00.

I stumble upon (a good website I haven't used for AGES!) the library. Librarians either know what you want to, or have the resources to find out. Hence my inclination to go in. I asked and she knew! YES!

I followed her clear instruction and found the place.

I drove to the man at the gate (by now I had learnt about the lack of permit) and he said I was at the wrong car park and gave me more directions!

I found the car park, where the permit was not worried about (thank goodness), had a walk and arrived late. (40 minutes late, after a drive of over two hours!)

There I learnt very little but, as ever, talked too much.

Then the best bit of the day happened. I drove home without a single call or text!

The World is Askew

2008-09-12T14:22:00.000-07:00

The world is askew.

First of all there are earthquakes and floods and hurricanes and storms everywhere.

Second, two supposedly fine examples of Christian men have been exposed as sinners.

Now, this may be a good thing, in that Christ came to save sinners and all that, but then these people are supposed to be living for him.

I don't understand.

Then on Sunday I was told I couldn't be contentious because Jesus isn't. I'm sorry. That is wrong.

A definition of contentious:

"involving or likely to cause controversy"

Anyone who knows anything at all about Jesus must notice that this is the very definition of the Messiah, the very reason he apparently came.

Some people think Jesus was lovey-dovey floodle woodle (a sissy). I don't think he was.

He argued with people and he knew what he was arguing about.

Sure, he was loving and compassionate but passionately so. So much so that he condemned those who chose to live differently despite knowing how they should live.

And now we have turned Jesus into an icon, a commodity, an asset. He was angry at some sellers in the temple, imagine his utter fury now! We have commercialised the one entity that shows commercialism to be a waste of our zealous energy.

Why not let us refind the Messiah who was passionate for love, for serving and for healing?

This blog sets out to search for truth, and I have not yet claimed to have found it, not all of it anyway, but I do think some can be found in a life that desires to love and serve, giving all that one can. Just look at those who have done it; Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Mandela. These are the people that are revered because they have given their all to make the world less askew. Today and onwards, I also intend to make the world less askew. Will you?

Oh dear

2008-08-31T04:36:00.001-07:00

No one took part in my competition so I am deeply hurt and offended.

Obviously I need to buck my ideas up and make my blog much better.

I'll try.

A Small Competition

2008-08-28T05:32:00.000-07:00

Knowledge is power. With great power comes great responsibility.

How much do you know?

I find myself not knowing very much when I ask myself this question. Some people who know me might claim that I know a lot of random rubbish, and therefore know a lot. This is untrue. You see, I only appear to know it because conversation reminds me of hearing it or reading it or watching it.

So, when I examine how much I know I find it amounts to very little. What makes it worse is that today I realised I have forgotten almost every Physics equation I learnt for my A-levels, so now I know even less!

To be honest, I don't really have a point today. I'm just wondering whether you're the kind of person who knows stuff and could recite it unprompted, or whether you're like me and need a cue ('tis called cue-dependent learning, I know that) before you spout off.

So, in our comments page we are going to have a competition for the most interesting thing you know. I hope to get more than two entries. The winner gets a mention in my blog and if I can work out how to do it a link down the side. But, there are rules! You are not allowed to research it, you have to know it already! (Not that I can check, but it is a test of your integrity and may you feel guilty if you don't comply.)

A Lament

2008-08-25T12:46:00.000-07:00

This post is going to be a ramble. Probably a boring one, so I recommend that you stop reading now. You could read or re-read the first post instead if you fancy a laugh because I actually have no idea what I'm going to say.

Let me tell you first that I am listening to the Manchester United vs. Portsmouth match on Radio Five Live. I am a Manchester United fan and they are currently winning so I am happy.

However, earlier on today I wasn't happy. You see, I think a lot. And I thought about this terrible world, and how much worse I manage to make it despite trying hard to do the opposite. And I saw the river flowing in front of me and despaired at futility and depression. I wonder why this world is so poor. I wonder why we seem to make it so utterly dreadful and I wonder whether my belief in God is valid. I think about these things and I find no answers, or indeed even responses.

Earlier I was thinking about my old philosophy lessons and how I used not to argue back because often I couldn't think of an argument back. Our teacher used to say, "Would God have given us sexual urges if he didn't want us to use them?" in regards to promiscuity. And I used to think he had a point.

He doesn't. That is a bigger load of rubbish than a claim to be able to swim to the moon. You see, I realised that people have urges to murder and some people have the urge to do terrible things I don't even want to type but because we have the urge it doesn't make it right.

Not that I am utterly condemning all those who are promiscuous because that is not my place, I am only suggesting that to suggest God giving us the urge for it being right is baloney.

Then we come to the argument, "But God didn't give me the urge to murder."

Yes, good point. I hope that is the case. But did God give you the urge to risk catching and spreading STDs? Or did God give you the urge for a satisfying and juicy relationship with just one lucky person?

I don't know. Maybe God didn't give us any urges because of freewill. Maybe he did because of biology.

I only know is that if God is there I wish I could know. But I can't and I feel sad as a result. Especially since this 18 month old has been accidentally shot with an air gun.

Oh this world is a horrible place.

How can Heaven be forever?

I find the notion of being in Heaven forever almost as scary as an eternal oblivion.

Won't I get bored? Do I have to worship the whole time? Will I get to lie in? Will I get to play games? Will I be able to talk to God or will he be a dictator?

Will God want me there? I mean really? What if I'm wrong and Islam is correct and I was born in the wrong country? Why is Jesus so utterly incredible? Why did he get angry once because of sellers yet we knock down Churches and use them for bring and buys the whole time?

Can my "non-believing" (I despise that terminology and labelling) Gran go to Heaven? Why not? I love her so much. I want her to be there if I am to spend forever there.

Does God mind me listening to football? Does he want me to go help the poor? Probably. I'm not good enough.

Now, if you read all that and begin to feel my simple, despairing reality then you begin to know me.

But usually I am happier because I ignore these questions and I think, "Jesus loves me. He'll sort it out." Maybe I'm right to think that, but what if I'm wrong?

I think this ramble has been too long and I hope it has made you think. I also hope that it has not made you sad.

I did tell you not to read it.

Can you do?

2008-08-23T10:38:00.000-07:00

"Them as can do, has to do for them as can't. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices."

If you would care to read that again to make sure you got it all I'd be much obliged:

"Them as can do, has to do for them as can't. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices."

So says Granny Aching in Terry Pratchett's The Wee Free Men. These two sentences seem to sum up how the world should be. You see, I can do some things, for example I can teach a child to add whereas some people cannot stand any children but theirs (in some cases). So I do the teaching for those that can't. It is probably those very same people who can't stand children that are able to make computers work. I can't do that. This blogging is the limit of my skills and once people start talking of gigabytes and hertz I struggle even to get the gist. So these people do computers for those (me) who can't. And so the world continues. It is when we get an imbalance that conflict begins.

An imbalance in gratefulness, an imbalance in wealth and an imbalance in power.

I am so pleased that the cleaners clean the street just as I am so pleased that the builders build houses. Likewise I am pleased that Gordon Brown, apparent buffoon that he is, is not a dictator and is not inherently evil (congratulations to those who noticed the use of the word 'inherently', I despise the idea of ID cards).

I am not so pleased that the cleaners who clean the street often live in shoddy housing, whereas the builders live in slightly better accommodation and the Prime Minister is allocated several mansions.

I am not so pleased that in South Africa people live in shedly squalor and sleep under polythene sheets.

But what do they do for us? What do they do for us?

Not a lot. Not very much at all. But that is because we have not yet spoken out for "them as has no voices" and we have not yet done for those that can't. It is when we begin to do this that we shall see what they can do for us. I would like to see, the question is, would you?

A Long Summer

2008-08-20T15:06:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been a long summer through which I have endured and learnt much.

It began with my trip to South Africa, which you already know something about. Upon my return I had my photos developed in an hour and early the next morning I set off for Scotland to attend my brother's wedding. There I was best man and gave a small speech which made a few people cry. I didn't think it was that bad.

Then I came back home for a few days before I set off for Soul Survivor which is a Christian festival.

(Just to clarify, in this blog I have set out to discover truth, but some may condemn me for not already claiming I have found it since I am a Christian.)

At Soul Survivor it was my job to ensure a swift and calm response to any emegencies at night. Hence I stayed up every night. It was shattering. Still, I suppose I learnt patience and perseverance and how to use a radio.

Straight from Soul Survivor I got a lift to Wales to spend some time with some people. It was great and I discovered that I can talk to people without them always hating me. Obviously, sometimes people still find it best to despise my boldish and tangential statements, but some find it helpful, though no one seems to find it endearing.

Now I am back at home feeling like I will be a complete failure at work because I have done too much in the summer and have forgotten how to do my job.

But my travels have probably not yet finished as my family remain on holiday down South and I may yet go and visit. I wonder what I shall learn there.

I have not written any poems recently. I do apologise if you like them and will set about doing so soon.

A People who love, fear and starve

2008-08-03T12:54:00.000-07:00

I am returned from South Africa alive and well. My time there was enjoyable, and I shall tell the stories through several posts.

Let me first tell you an overall account of the affect my trip had on me.

When I decided to go to South Africa it was with a joyful heart. The Church I attend has done some mission work out there and I was interested to see what has been achieved and to meet people.

Whilst I was there I began to understand the needs of the people there and I started to realise the reality of injustice and inequality. But I also found the people to be compelling. Compelling because of their attitude, compelling because of their smiles, compelling because of how they live. People there say "Hello!" because you're there. They do not complain and they show respect.

This whole experience has helped me learn to slow down, to take time to talk, to take time to walk and to take time to tell. To tell of the plight of millions of people, to tell of the power of AIDs and ways in which it can begin to be contained and prevented.

I now have a passion not spurred by a "Better than you" attitude, or even an "I'll help the poor because I feel sorry for them" attitude. I now have a passion for serving spurred by an "I'll help the poor because they're people" attitude. I wish to help them because they showed me who they are, and that they know what it is to love and to fear and to starve. And I only know what it is to love and to fear, not to starve, and loving and fearing is quite enough for me.

A Birthday to Remember

2008-07-08T03:14:00.000-07:00

There are some things that are meant to be.

For example, a few posts ago I apologised that nothing ever happens to me anymore. As usual, I spoke too soon.

Last Friday it was both my birthday and my last day of work before I leave for South Africa tomorrow.

The morning began well with a bike sitting in my front room waiting for me. It is my first very own bike since I was 5, and it is very nice. It has an aluminium frame and a removable wheel!

Obviously this cost a lot of money, but there were still a number of presents scattered across the sofa. I began to open them.

A summary of these presents:

Immodium
Anti-bacterial handwash
Mars Bars
Paracetamols
Anti-bacterial handwash
Wet Wipes
Facial Wipes
Ten packets of ten tissues
More Anti-bacterial handwash

As you can tell my Mum is worried about me going to South Africa.

Anyway, I went to work and had a decent day. I got a card from the class I have worked most in and a card from the class I worked often in, it was very lovely.

I headed home for the evening. I got home. I'd forgotten my card, and my Mum said I needed to sort out my currency for my trip. So me and my brother went back to my school to retrieve my card and then headed for the Post Office.

Well, the bank first. Then my brother went to look for shoes and I went looking for the Post Office. I walked along the street and thought to myself,

"I'm sure it used to be somewhere here."

And after pacing past where it used to be a number of times I realised it was the one with the whitewashed windows and the notice saying,

POST OFFICE MOVED TO WH SMITHS

Oh.

I walked along to Smiths and met my brother on the way. There I exchanged my money and we set off home, where we decided to walk the dogs.

The walk was uneventful, and when we got back some guests had arrived.

The evening proceeded peacefully and with some mild humour. Then everyone bar one friend went home, and I spoke to my Uncle for half an hour on the phone.

It was then that I began to feel sick. Soon after I gave my friend a lift home, and went to bed.

And so the night began.

Vomiting violently throughout the night and having continuous diarrhoea for an hour in one sitting is quite annoying, and once again the title of this blog comes up trumps (very loud and wet ones). The stench was unbearable and my brother moved from our room to the lounge. That doesn't mean to say I had diarrhoea in our room, but I had been sick in a bowl in there.

At least it wasn't so bad as Shakespeare's birthday.

The next day I did, of course, starve myself, and slowly but surely I recovered. Today I feel fine, if slightly annoyed at Federer's loss the other day.

Now there is only South Africa to worry about. I saved my Immodium last Friday night but hopefully it won't be necessary in South Africa over the next three weeks.

A Boy by the Window

2008-07-03T13:23:00.000-07:00

A poem written off the cuff inspired by something seen today.

A boy stands by the window,
watching the other children playing.
Why is he standing there so still and straight?
What has he done, or is he thinking to make him stand so still and straight?

Perhaps he is thinking of times gone by,
of his home or of that awful lie,
perhaps he is thinking of a cunning plan,
but working out just how he can,

perhaps he has hurt someone or something,
perhaps he's been told not to sing,
perhaps he is sad and moody,
perhaps his mother is feeling broody (and thus he's jealous),

perhaps he has lost a friend,
perhaps he's gone round the bend,
perhaps he wants to cry out loud,
or stand there quiet, quite unproud,

perhaps he needs something to do,
perhaps he's left out of the crew,
perhaps he is munching a sweet,
perhaps that's where him and her meet,

perhaps he is just wondering,
what that boy in the corner is doing,
why is he sitting all curled up
Crying like a little whipped pup?