A Lament

This post is going to be a ramble. Probably a boring one, so I recommend that you stop reading now. You could read or re-read the first post instead if you fancy a laugh because I actually have no idea what I'm going to say.

Let me tell you first that I am listening to the Manchester United vs. Portsmouth match on Radio Five Live. I am a Manchester United fan and they are currently winning so I am happy.

However, earlier on today I wasn't happy. You see, I think a lot. And I thought about this terrible world, and how much worse I manage to make it despite trying hard to do the opposite. And I saw the river flowing in front of me and despaired at futility and depression. I wonder why this world is so poor. I wonder why we seem to make it so utterly dreadful and I wonder whether my belief in God is valid. I think about these things and I find no answers, or indeed even responses.

Earlier I was thinking about my old philosophy lessons and how I used not to argue back because often I couldn't think of an argument back. Our teacher used to say, "Would God have given us sexual urges if he didn't want us to use them?" in regards to promiscuity. And I used to think he had a point.

He doesn't. That is a bigger load of rubbish than a claim to be able to swim to the moon. You see, I realised that people have urges to murder and some people have the urge to do terrible things I don't even want to type but because we have the urge it doesn't make it right.

Not that I am utterly condemning all those who are promiscuous because that is not my place, I am only suggesting that to suggest God giving us the urge for it being right is baloney.

Then we come to the argument, "But God didn't give me the urge to murder."

Yes, good point. I hope that is the case. But did God give you the urge to risk catching and spreading STDs? Or did God give you the urge for a satisfying and juicy relationship with just one lucky person?

I don't know. Maybe God didn't give us any urges because of freewill. Maybe he did because of biology.

I only know is that if God is there I wish I could know. But I can't and I feel sad as a result. Especially since this 18 month old has been accidentally shot with an air gun.

Oh this world is a horrible place.

How can Heaven be forever?

I find the notion of being in Heaven forever almost as scary as an eternal oblivion.

Won't I get bored? Do I have to worship the whole time? Will I get to lie in? Will I get to play games? Will I be able to talk to God or will he be a dictator?

Will God want me there? I mean really? What if I'm wrong and Islam is correct and I was born in the wrong country? Why is Jesus so utterly incredible? Why did he get angry once because of sellers yet we knock down Churches and use them for bring and buys the whole time?

Can my "non-believing" (I despise that terminology and labelling) Gran go to Heaven? Why not? I love her so much. I want her to be there if I am to spend forever there.

Does God mind me listening to football? Does he want me to go help the poor? Probably. I'm not good enough.


Now, if you read all that and begin to feel my simple, despairing reality then you begin to know me.

But usually I am happier because I ignore these questions and I think, "Jesus loves me. He'll sort it out." Maybe I'm right to think that, but what if I'm wrong?

I think this ramble has been too long and I hope it has made you think. I also hope that it has not made you sad.

I did tell you not to read it.